Strange calls page 2

Page 1

BTW If the call is ANON I left it blank, seeing most people don't want credit for their calls, 
I can't understand why, Yeah right.
Take me to the new stuff


Strangest call to date. It was about 0300 hours and my partner and I got called out to a seizure pt. As we were approaching the house a young man waved us in. As we are gathering our equipment and making our way to the door, the young man is explaining how his mother has had a seizure and fell into the bathtub. As we enter the house we note a large butcher knife on the bed covered in blood. As we go around the corner there is our pt. supine with upper torso in hallway and lower in bathroom. Our pt is covered from head to toe in blood, has snoring respirations, and is unconscious. My partner and I look into the bathroom where her lower body is resting, and from the floor to the ceiling is nothing but splatters of blood. The tub was 3/4 full of nothing but blood. We could find no trauma on our pt. My partner and I exchange glances because we are both pretty sure that Jr. has tried to take mama out. We question the son as to where all of this blood came from. He calmly explains that they were "gutting" a four-hundred pound hog in their tub when his mother had a seizure and fell into the tub full of pig's blood. Relieved that we didn't have a baby ax murderer on our hands, we packaged our pt. and trans.

We responded to a call for an "ill male". The address showed it to be in the part of town respectfully referred to as the "red light district". Upon arrival we climb the mandatory two stories of stairs that seem to be on all calls in the middle of the night. Standing outside the door, two law enforcement officers greeted us with huge grins on their face as if to say, "so you think you've seen everything?" Entering into the apartment we find fire on scene, and two males probably in their 20's. One is walking around in a nervous gait, the other laying on the couch in the prone position naked, with a towel covering his lower half. Upon removing the towel, we find a partially frozen fish, type unknown, sticking from his rear exit hatch. Upon further questioning, the two had been using the fish to "pleasure" themselves, while the fish was frozen. Apparently the body heat and friction had caused the fish to start to defrost, thus the dorsal fin had fully expanded and caused the fish to lodge stuck into the passage. After numerous attempts trying to remove the fish, the two males knew they had to call for help. As we wheeled the patient out the apartment door, my partner, always ready with a quick response, told the patient that maybe he should make sure he chews his food fully before swallowing...........

This is about a friend that I was in P school with. She is about 5'2'' and weighs 105lbs, her partner of the day was a 5'8'' 150 lb female. They responded to a long distance call of unknown problem. Upon arrival they grabbed the drug box and went in. The pt was coded, so my friend tells her partner to go get the O2, after a couple of minutes passed my friend started to get worried about her partner. About this time her partner comes walking in with the main O2 tank ( a large closet cylinder ). She decided it was time to go to the unit with the pt, whom she had intubated during the wait. About this time the second in unit arrived and the Paramedic on it is also an RN, and a guy who has been in EMS for about 11 years and whom we call DAD because he had a hand in teaching all of us in the field. He got in the unit and went to turn on the O2, when he asked where it was, he was given a brief rundown, the new EMT stated that she would go get it. Well being the man that Dad is, he quickly told her no, stay here, I will go get it. Later he confided in me that it took every muscle he had to get that tank up on his shoulder, but he had to be the gentleman and not let that lady go back after that tank.

Being a local banker as well as a volunteer can have its moments. While riding officer on the wagon one night, we were dispatched to a "chest pains" call. Upon arriving, I entered the house in turnout gear and helmet, radio in hand, and immediately recognized the patient as a customer I had made a car loan to a few months before. Looking up at me from the couch, in obvious discomfort, he turned to his wife and asked, "Honey, did we forget to make the car payment"?

We were toned out at 3 am for an "unknown medical call" on the north end of our district. We arrived at the location and found a dark, seemingly abandoned house, no lights, no sounds. My partner asks me "Do you think its' bogus?" I said it probably wasn't, but let's wait for SO to arrive before we enter. When the deputies arrived on scene, they entered ahead of us and checked out the house. The sergeant came out laughing, followed by a very pale, rookie he was riding as FTO with. and told us: "He's in the back. There's a light on... You're gonna LOVE this one!"

When we entered the rear bedroom of the house, we found blood splattered all over the room, and a skinny white guy lying on the bed writhing in pain. He was pale, cold, and diaphoretic, bleeding from his groin. Our supervisor arrived on scene and took command. We began to package the patient, and realized the extent of his injuries. The end of his penis had been SEVERED! We asked him what happened, and he stated he had used the vacuum cleaner to "relieve his pressure"! Our supervisor jumped on the truck with my partner, leaving me the supervisors rig, and the task of searching for the "amputated part". I dumped out the vacuum cleaner onto the floor, and rummaged around in the contents for the missing wiener. I found it, rinsed it off with sterile saline, wrapped it in saline soaked gauze, put it into a Baggie, and put it in a sack of ice water. I then transported CODE III to the County Trauma Center.

The hospital re-attached the part. It won't work the way it originally did, from what the Doc's tell me. But at least he'll be able to hang onto something while he whizzes.


Bear, FF/EMT-I
Working in the Houston area when this happened

A few years ago. My partner & I received a call from dispatch and the dispatchers were laughing in the background (always a BAD sign). They didn't give us any information other than the patient needed assistance. When we arrived on scene, I saw one of the biggest guys I had ever encountered in my life bawling like a baby. I tried to calm him down and ask what was going on. He said he had been in the woods today and something happened to him. He proceeded to pull down his pants and show me the biggest tick I had ever seen attached to the shaft of his penis. It was very hard not to laugh. My partner went to the rig because he was laughing too much. I loaded the patient in the captain's seat and left for the hospital. The driver told me that the hospital wanted to know what I was bringing in. I called up the hospital and said I have a 32 yo male with a tick attached to his genitals. I had not lost my composure up to this point until the nurse called me back and in the background you could hear "I gotta tick on my dick & I can't get it off."

I work for a private that mainly does interfaculty transfers. One day my partner and I were taking a patient out of the hospital through the ED. We glanced in a room and saw a patient holding what appeared to be a baking pan covered in plastic over her head. My partner and I looked at each other with knowing smiles. Someone was taking a 5150 out of the hospital today. About a hour later, while we were on Code 7 (meal break), we got toned for a transfer out of the ED of the hospital, to the local psychiatric ER. Of course, it was my turn to tech. We get to the hospital to find the patient still holding the pan over her head. Upon further investigation, I find that I have transported this woman before. Previously she was only afraid of electricity. This time she complained that she had been walking down the street and a bolt of electricity came out of a light pole and "bit her in the butt". Subsequently her anus was numb. She proceeded to walk down the street and was then hit in the face by electricity from a crosswalk signal. Her face was now numb. She was brought in to the hospital to be medically cleared. The entire time we are getting report from the hospital, she is holding the pan, covered in plastic, tightly above her head. She will not allow ANY lights to be turned on in the room. We
transfer her to the gurney and load her into the ambulance. My partner shuts the back door to the rig and she lets out of blood curling scream and starts yelling that he let in a spark of electricity when he shut the door and it was know burning her eyes. My partner attempted to call dispatch four times before he was able to make the call without cracking up. I, on the other hand, maintain (barely) my composure. The patient continued her screaming tirade for the entire 1.6 miles to the Psychiatric Hospital. I maintained my composure through the ride, gave report to the staff, and made it back out of the facility. As soon as the door shut my partner and I were up against the outside wall cracking up. Even transfers can be fun.


Have you ever had de-ja-vue? The Friday overnight crew is known for it.  At 04:30 hrs received an alarm for a male unknown problem. Upon arrival at  the residents house, the son met us out side and said that his farther was  locked in the bedroom and he can't get to the door. So we attempted entry to  the room with no success. Finally we were able to kick down the door. Only to  find an older gentleman sitting on the throne. Any takers on what is wrong  with this guy? Well I hope you have guest it. Not only was he having an MI  but to add a twist he was having a CVA. Well on a better note the patient made it and is recovering. Now the reason for the de-ja-vue is because that was the 4th naked guy we came across that month on that shift.


[OK I normally don't comment, but I gotta admit this is one of my Favorites!]


About 3AM one morning my partner and I were awaked by our dispatcher. He was laughing uncontrollably and told us we had a call. He informed us we would have to listen to the taped call because he couldn't explain it. We got dressed and went to dispatch room and listened. A man's voice was heard shouting " Help ! Help ! My girlfriends cum button is stuck." We listened to the call about two more times to be sure we were not hearing things wrong, then set out to see the "stuck cum button".

We arrived onscene to find a LARGE black man totally naked in the front yard jumping up and down shouting. My partner tried to calm him and asked where his girlfriend was. He responded "in the bedroom you've got to help her". I went in and found my Pt. , a 23 Yo BF, in bed in an active seizure. We hurriedly loaded her and called for orders. After the meds were given and her seizing stopped, I asked the Boyfriend, Now dressed in a bathrobe, what had

It seems that during an early morning roll his girlfriend had began to seize. Being the stud he was he though he was doing a fine job. after about 3 good minutes of this he decided something was wrong and called us.

By the way the girlfriend made it OK and to this day I see her out and she always makes a point of speaking to me ( and always with a big smile).

It was one of our usual busy days with the volunteer Rescue and EMS squad I ride with in Goldsboro, NC and my whole team was starting to feel "the drag". We had been running call after call, and had Just pulled into the ER with a possible CVA, when our tone went off for a choking infant. So we dumped our lady on the ER nurses and took off to the address. My partner was in the back making up the stretcher and cleaning up the truck while trying to maintain her balance. My driver was driving 10-18 (lights and siren) like a bat out of hell, weaving in and out of traffic (you know the one's that like to see how close you get before they pull over out of your way). Well, we arrive on scene in a scant matter of minutes, thanks to my wonderful driver, and a woman runs out of the house to met us with a bundle of blankets in her arms. I jump out and take the little bundle expecting to see a pulseless, apneic infant. Instead, I pull back the blanket to reveal a small, white, still breathing dog. The owner stated that the dog had started choking on a dog treat, so she called 911. The dog then coughed up the treat, but she still wanted us to check him out. After explaining our lack of expertise in the field of canine medicine, we cleared the scene. I called dispatch on a secondary channel and asked him if he knew what that call was for. He was under the impression that the frantic woman had said "my daughter is choking" instead of "my dog is choking". He even played the 911 tape back for us to hear later on. All in all, it gave us a nice humorous break from the hectic calls we had had all day.

Warren Singleton, EMT-I

One afternoon my vfd was sent to a one vehicle accident-rollover. Upon arriving on scene we discover one pt. approx 18 y.o.,who had already exited the vehicle. Protocol calls for spinal immobilization, and removal of clothing. Being one of few females on scene I was volunteered to ride in the back w/ this young lady of ours. I got out the trauma scissors and began cutting a pantleg when the pt. whispered "Don't freak out, I'm trans-gender." The professional that I am, I showed no  outward reaction, gave my report, and eventually turned my pt. over to the ER staff. Upon returning to quarters a few of my fellow EMT's inquired as to whether I had found anything wrong with our young lady. I told them yes; she had a penis

I am an EMT-Basic training for my Paramedics license. For the particular program I am in we have sheets of what our trainers would like for us to on our rides. There is a section on this sheet where the student put "personal objects"...things we would like to do....on one ride along I was on, I stated I wanted to deal with people with behavioral problems.....well, we got several...this is my favorite: We were called to an apartment for chest pain....when we arrived we found a 40ish woman sitting in a lawn chair(this is inside, mind you) looking upset....when we asked her why she had called she told us we would think she was crazy if she told us....we were foolish enough to say we wouldn't think that....She stated that every weekend she smells a strange odor in her apartment which she thinks smells like "burning feces" (I don't want to know how she know what that smells like) which leads to her getting an odd metallic taste in her mouth which precipitates right sided chest pain.....She called us because it was only Wednesday and the pain was on the left side....We asked if she wanted us to take her in and she said yes, but that she must change her clothes first....after she did that she proceeded to take everything out of her living room and kitchen and lock it in her bed room "because people were breaking into her apartment when she wasn't there".....we got her down to the rig where she told us she has a PMHx of seizures....right in the middle of a sentence she says "I just had a seizure but you couldn't see it". Now every seizure patient I've had has never interrupted themselves to tell us they just had a seizure....Well, just before the medic I was riding with was going to radio the hospital the women tosses her right arm up in the air for no visible reason...trying not to laugh out loud, we ask her if that was a seizure and she says "no I don't know what that was"....she did it about six more times on the five minute ride each time saying it wasn't a seizure and she didn't know what it the time we got to the hospital her chest pain had moved across her chest down her right arm and was now located between the first and second fingers of her right hand....we had a hard time not laughing around this patient! That was only one of the psyche patients we had that day!!! The medics I was with still call me "Trouble" and I've never written "Deal with behavioral problems" on a clinical sheet again!

Melissa EMT, Michigan

-This is very much a true story.
I'm a Paramedic in a relatively small town. My partner and I got a call in the wee hours of the morning for a possible suicide attempt. As we approached the house we noticed two state patrol cars on scene, so we went inside to see what was going on. As we walked into the kitchen, our patient was sitting on the floor in a very large pool of blood, with the officers standing around him. He was conscious and very much high on gawd knows what. The patient had made numerous large cuts on his arm with a knife. The thing that makes this strange was that there was chunks of meat from his arm all over the floor and the patient was eating them and licking his blood. The patient was very nice and co-operative and came with us with no problem. Enroute to the hospital my partner asked the patient if he was a vampire and he said no, somehow I think he was lying. You should have seen the looks on the state patrolman's faces as the patient was sucking strips of his own flesh in his mouth.
Christopher B.

I just got back into EMS after a nine-year hiatus for military service. I'm just about ready to take my EMT-B certification. Nine years ago, I was a First Responder, in consequence of being a part-time police officer. I believed then, and still believe now, that police should be qualified to EMT-B at a minimum. This story illustrates why. It was told me many years ago by the Paramedic who was teaching our First Responder course.

Apparently there was this police officer who was scared to touch a patient. He responded to an ambulance call for a man having chest pain. When he got to the house, it was full of upset people, apparently a family reunion was in progress. The patient, an elderly overweight male, was seated in an easy chair, in obvious distress.  Trying his best to give some appearance that he has a clue, our hero walks in confidently, assuring the patient's family that everything will be fine now that he is here.  He walks to the patient and begins to talk him down, "Okay sir, just relax, calm down and breathe easy." The patient nods his head, leans back in the chair, and codes. Our hero, clueless, and noticing that the patient no longer seems distressed, introduces himself to the family and tries to calm every one down. It works, family members, seeing that the situation is apparently in hand, calm down and stop crying. Captain clueless calls dispatch and tells them to tell the ambulance not to kill themselves getting there, the patient is doing better. The EMTs know this guy, and if anything, they pour more coal on the fire getting there.  Our hero continues to speak to the family, and even to the patient, still not catching on that his condition has worsened rather than improved. About this time the EMTs enter the scene, take one look at the patient, and yank him out of the chair and onto the floor and begin to pump and blow. One attendant begins to break out the defibrillator. The patient's family, sensing that something is indeed terribly wrong, begins to cry and become upset once more. A rather large woman advances and tells the EMTs, "Everything was just fine until you sons of bitches showed up!" I leave it to you, gentle reader, to determine for yourself whether this story is true or not. Given what I myself have seen and experienced, it seems entirely too likely.

John Roberts
Oak Hall Rescue
Oak Hall, VA

I have a partner who went on a call, and I gotta tell ya, she never lived it down. We went on a 911 responding to an unconscious male patient. When we arrived we found an obese male of about 450lbs unresponsive and not breathing. Checking his pulse we found none and of course began CPR. My partner being of short stature basically climbed atop this pt and began CPR. During the course of this she felt something poking into her leg only to find that he had a priaprism! On scene no one dared say anything, but she did CPR on top of that for 45 minutes, and eventually saved his life. Boy was he happy to see her when he came to!

My first cardiac arrest was in the X-rated section of the local video store.  The medics arrived just before us and were still setting up. There were two  local officers performing CPR, my partner and I stepped up and took over, the guy had to be 350+ and me being the only female on scene and weighing only 125lbs was told to do the compression's. This guy had a huge barrel chest and the only way I could get any good compression's was to straddle him, well  of course this brought snickers from the rest of the fire, EMS and officers on scene. When I asked what was so funny I was told to look over my right shoulder and if I thought the video cover there resembled the acts being performed at that moment. Of course being in EMS it takes a lot to offend me and I laughed so hard I almost fell off the patient!

When I was taking my EMT class, a story went around about a homosexual couple and their gerbil. Although I don't know who took this call, it still makes for an entertaining story. It seems two gentlemen had been engaged in a felching session. With the aid of a cardboard tube a gerbil had been inserted into the anus of one of the men. When he'd had his fill, he asked his partner to remove the gerbil. But the gerbil didn't want to come out. Thinking to draw the gerbil towards the light at the end of the cardboard tube the second gentleman placed a lit match at the end of tube. The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas, which in turn ignited the gerbils fur, igniting another pocket of intestinal gas. The gerbil was forcibly expelled by the second ignition hitting the partner in the face. One man was admitted with severe intestinal burns and the other with a broken nose. I just can't imagine explaining to the dispatcher that "a flaming gerbil came shooting out of my boyfriends butt and hit me in the face".

I work in EMS, full time and have for so, so long. They say I am as old as dirt but not so true! I have been employed for a county service in Ohio for 22 years. One EMS run that I will NEVER forget, was about 10 years ago. We were "on station" and a car flies in to our parking lot. A frantic Mom came running to the door, stating her daughter was so very ill and screaming in pain. We approached the car and found a young 14-15 year old girl, holding her lower, right abdomen. We removed her from the car and placed her in our squad to prepare for transportation to our local ER. After a secondary exam and questions she answered, we were convinced she might have a possible appendicitis. Her abdomen did not appear large and it was soft on palpation. She denied being sexually active and claimed to had just recently had her menstrual cycle.We were enroute and her vitals all were normal. We called in to the hospital with our report and of course we stated it was a possible appendicitis. She was screaming in agony and I noticed that she was becoming more irritated, nervous, increase in the pain also. I also noticed that the pain was in intervals. I felt her stomach when she contracted and sure enough, it was hard. It hit me like a "ton of bricks" that this girl was pregnant and Mom was clueless. I ask her, "Have you been lying to me and is there a chance you may be pregnant?" She nods and screams,"IT IS COMING, I CAN FEEL IT'S HEAD!!!" I proceed to yank her pants down and I see this baby and sure enough she is crowning. I must say, being a female and a Mom, delivering a baby while on duty has always been a desire for me. BUT, to deliver a possible premature baby with no prenatal care was not on my list of things to do! I look her in the eye, "Blow, blow, blow and don't you dare push!" I hollered up to my driver, "Light it up, we have a baby about to be born!" I will never forget his words, "OH SHIT!" We had 5 minutes before arriving at the ER and because we were in such a hurry and not wanting to have this baby in the back of the squad, we failed  to call in and advice our ER staff that our diagnostic impression had changed.We yank the cot out, she is screaming, and blowing and we are almost squealing tires on our cot to get her in the ER. The Mom, soon to be clueless Grandma is out parking the car. We wheel her through and with all the commotion and our patient screaming, the entire ER staff look up. I said, " She is about to deliver!" The doc says, "WHAT? You said it was an appendicitis!" I said, "Well, I was wrong and we will have proof soon enough because she is crowning!" Doc says,"OH SHIT!" I had heard a lot of oh shits that night and was sure a BIG oh shit was due from grandma to be. As many of you know, ER doctors do not want to deliver babies but this was not an option. As we wheeled her in and was putting her on the ER cot, out came a bouncy, baby boy, full term and healthy. The cord was just cut when the Mom walked in. I could not wait to see her reaction when the doctor walked out with the news. When Doc told her about the new addition to the family, she screamed, grabbed her mouth as if she might vomit and wanted proof NOW! Our doctor
kindly takes her arm and guides her into the room to see the new baby. But,  what a fun, interesting night that was and baby and Mom were fine. The ER doc warned us to NEVER do that to her again! Now, who in the heck can pick'em in this line of work?


Working in EMS, I was warned by my instructor that we might see just about anything in the field of our work. When I hired in, I was very young, naive, and green as green can be. ( newbie, with no experience) The training in school is nothing like hands on. Speaking of hands on, NO NO NO, I did NOT touch the penis with the swizzle stick caught up IT! Today, with my experience, I may have handle Mr. Swizzle differently. Many patients require firm authority voices. Dealing with drunks, overdoses, mentals, etc. require making sure I take the upper hand and take control of the situation at hand. Nooooo, I did not put my hand on Mr. Swizzle. I am trying to make a point here and give ya'll a visual. Bare with me. <snicker> Oh, yea, he became bare all right! Ackkkk! Mr. Swizzle was a bank executive, in our town on business, staying at the top notch motel in the area. He claimed that he had just been treated for a kidney infection just prior to coming here on business. He had a recurring kidney flare up while here and could not urinate. (maybe he could not do something else too, who knows?!) So, rather then go to the local Emergency room, he decided to use a swizzle stick and "unplug it" (his words) I am not sure how far into the urethra he poked and attempted to unclog or if Drano might have been more affective because he created a major problem. Somehow the swizzle stick got lost and traveled up to his bladder. He panicked and rightfully should, called 911 and that is when I had the pleasure of being shocked into reality about people and messes they can get in to. I had only been employed there about 6 months and had not seen, treated or responded on many things, yet. I, also, being a young female had not viewed many anatomies on the human body. When we arrived, he was in such painful misery, that he could not sit still. We knew he MUST go in to the emergency room and be treated. I was certain he was not a life and death situation and a nice, gentle, slow ride into the hospital would presume. He refused to sit, standing hurt, lying down was awful, he kicked, he whined in misery, he held IT, he shook IT. He threw the blanket off, he put it on. There I was, young, so naive and just not certain what I should do to help this poor man. I knew that not one class I had, anything I learned in my training, was reaching out grabbing me to know what to do. All I know, is I was very embarrassed and I felt helpless. I tried to make him lie down on our cot. Being secure while transporting a patient is just as important has wearing seatbelts. Ya ever notice that many emergency squads have windows? Have you ever tried to window peek in? Seeing in and trying to see something of interest triggers the curiosity of anyone, I am sure. Years ago, the windows were not tinted and this squad was just that! Anyone could peer in and if given enough time, see inside our squad. Today, I wonder if the new models are tinted because someone saw Mr. Swizzle, up, pacing in the small area of our squad half nude, with his penis out for the entire county to see. Did someone see him, squeezing it, shaking it, trying to pee in a urinal? YES! I even let him convince me, he could drain it, feel better and would find comfort. Each time, I reminded him that he MUST stay quiet, and on the cot, he would think of a new position that might ease the pain. I reminded him that people could see inside while we were transporting him. I will never, EVER forget what he did when I handed him a urinal. Do you know how you try so very hard to blow up a balloon? Sometimes, no matter how much air you blow into it, it will not inflate. Right? This man decided that he would blow, blow so very hard as he held his penis and maybe, just maybe, urine would expel. Maybe the swizzle stick would fly out. Maybe if I was lucky, I would catch it. Lord knows, I wanted to feel like I was doing something right to help him. So, there he stood, my partner driving, hitting pop holes, bumpy along, over railroad tracks, and stopping, accelerating, slowing down and there was Mr. Banker trying to balance himself, hold his penis and the urinal, blowing at the same time. He grunted and blew so hard, his face turned 3 shades of red and he made that grunt noise! At that point, I hoped the man would just hold his breath long enough to pass out. Ya ever need to lift something so heavy, you grunt, moan and tug and horrible noises come out of your larynx? Well, that was him! I cannot write in words and describe his agony, sounds, and his efforts. Obviously none of his efforts worked and the Xray revealed the swizzle  stick and it had traveled into his bladder. He was transported to a bigger, trauma center and it had to be surgery removed. Today, if I was involved in anything similar on a squad run, I would have handled it much different. Maybe I would grunt too, add some team work, or offer to hold the urinal. But, I know, in a firm voice with authority, I would have demanded he stay on the cot and bite his lip until we got to the
hospital. If he would not oblige by my wishes, I would have had my partner stop the squad and had my MALE partner come back to assist me in some fashion. I also wonder how much educate this man had and just what his IQ was. Maybe he was just kinky and got "caught up." Oh, he got caught all right. Oh, and to proof my naive ways back then, when I went back to Xray to see the swizzle stick, I had to ask what the heck a swizzle stick is, anyway! I knew mixed drinks had this cute little, red stick in them to stir, mix or chew on but I never knew the proper name for them. One thing I did know then and even when I was a kid is this, NEVER stick anything in a hole on your body unless it fits and was made to go there.


You are already familiar with me. I wrote you the here kitty,kitty,kitty story. Well, here's one hot out of a apt. complex in MI. I have since gone on and gotten my medic license. Last Saturday night, about 10:30 pm I responded to a call for chest pain. Where I work, a tango unit (Non-transporting EMS unit) responds with us. The tango was on scene first w/local PD. Ed, the tango medic, was interviewing the pt while PD was gathering her meds. Pt c/c of Chest Pain, 4 out of 10 on a 1-10 scale. Typical, I thought. We took the pt out to the rig and started the CP protocol, Nitro, Aspirin, ECG, IV, Oxygen. I called the hospital for some morphine, and as usual, was denied. Halfway through the report my partner noticed ventricular bigeminy on the monitor, so we headed to the hospital. En route, I gave the pt the 2nd and 3rd Nitros w/relief of the CP after 3. The pt was still in bigeminy, and was still dangerously hypertensive (220/112). I then looked back at the monitor and my partner hit a rather large pothole in the road which nearly swallowed the truck :) I saw the interference on the monitor, and the pt went right back into sinus rhythm from the pothole!!! The ER staff wouldn't believe me until I had to show them the ECG history from the monitor. Cardioversion w/o electricity!!!

One afternoon while (trying) to eat lunch, my partner and I got a call to respond to an single MVA, in reference to a 71 yr old female trapped inside her vehicle. We happened to be eating in the parking lot of a burger joint across the street from the call. Upon arriving, which was the parking lot of a shopping center, we find that our pt. had started her brand new Mustang GT and driven herself straight into a retention pond. Apparently, she had the car in drive instead of reverse when she hit the gas and drove over the block, through a fence and into the pond. My partner is a male paramedic of 10 years, and I'm a 19 yr old female in my first year of being an EMT-B. While laughing he tells me to "jump right in and fish her out" of her sinking vehicle. So I wade into the pond, manage to get the door open (this thing was sinking very slowly; the pond wasn't very deep, blessed be) and pull this woman out. She was not injured, just badly shaken. We get her into the rig and are en route to the hospital when she starts swearing and flailing at me. I ask her what the problem is and she tells me: "You idiot, you forgot to get my purse!"

Boy, his goose was cooked...

I was running with my ambulance company having just completed my EMT class and only waiting on the paperwork to go through to get my certificate. By this time the crews were allowing me to "run" the calls with someone looking over my shoulder. I'll never forget this one.

We get called to an MVA on a local highway (speed limit 55 mph). It gets tapped out as a BLS wreck so no one is too hyped up but I'm sorta hoping it turns into something good.

My crew gets on scene and, not wanting to get hit by oncoming traffic, I walk along the right side of a car on the shoulder of the busy highway. On the ground, next to the car, I see a decapitated goose. I look at the windshield and see the driver's side completely caved in with a six inch hole in the glass. Just as I am putting 2 and 2 together the driver blurts out, "We were just driving along and SMACK- this goose hit our windshield!"

The driver and her husband (who was in the passenger's seat) were terrified about what had happened but they had to deal with the dead goose that fell into the driver's compartment. The husband took a towel and held the goose in it until it stopped shaking and went limp. The husband then deposited the goose on the side of the road.

Both the husband and wife were ok- the wife went to the ER to get some glass cleaned off of her face.  When the ER doc asked what happened I told him and he said "You mean that a goose hit her car- just a goose?" He didn't seem impressed. I refrained from giving the doc a physics lesson about what a goose can do at 55 mph.

My crew managed to keep all our laughter under control until after we cleared the ER. We then Started bursting out laughing at the station when someone said "Boy his goose was really cooked..." Someone said we should have shocked it with the AED and had goose for dinner that night.

The funny endnote is that I got creative while typing the chart. I put in the chart a note that said "Goose was decapitated and declared dead at the scene. Crew did not transport goose DOA to nearest receiving animal hospital." The supervisor gave it to me good after he read that one

Steve- aka Sparky- PA

Strange/funny. Working a "frequent flyer" who had genuine terrible asthma, but called every time she breathed more than three times in 5 seconds because she was so scared of an attack. Normally she consisted of vitals, lung sounds and 5 minutes of reassurance while we completed the paperwork. We were just getting ready to leave this time when a firefighter announces "Lady, we put your cat back in!". With the predictable response, "I don't have a cat, I'm ALLERGIC TO CATS!!!". Of course, upon hearing this, the cat jumped up in her face for clarification.

At least she took the ET tube like the "professional" she was!!!

Ironic. I'm retired now, too much time on the job and too much missing L3-L4 and L4-L5 disc material. I drive a tractor trailer on the same route every night on the midnight shift. It took almost 2 years, but of course I found myself first at the scene of a HORRIBLE MVA in the middle on NOWHERE!!!! As much as I SWORE I wouldn't, of course I had to stop. According to the next bystander to show up, this car passed him like he was standing still, and he was doing 80 mph!!!! Real bad deal, 4 passengers, 2 dead as dirt, 1 depressed skull fracture who is alternately unconscious or combative and trying to run away (into 65 mph traffic on a dark, deserted interstate) and the driver who, predictably, was drunk, uninjured and useless. And me with no gloves, no first aid equipment, (remember, I was NEVER going to be a "pain in the ass bystander") and a cell phone that I can talk on, but can't really hear through. The actual call was not the ironic part however. The fun part was when I got back in my truck, started down the now REALLY deserted road (traffic was stopped at the OTHER end of the incident, so I'm all alone), turn on the radio, to be greeted by Lynard Skynards "That Smell"("Whisky bottle, brand new car, oak tree your in my way", ,,"Ohhh that smell, the smell of death surrounds you")

I'm not sure what God thinks some nights, but now I know she has a sense
of humor!!

Ron Cummings

About a year ago while I was on duty at EMS (shift supervisor) my fire page went off ( I am chief of a vol fd. ). Also Medic-7 was sent to an unknown medical call just behind our fd. Upon arrival of the FD First Responder Unit they where escorted to the bathroom to find a 10 year old male. He was fresh out of the shower. They inquired what his complaint was. He proceed to show the crew his manhood and on the foreskin was a pair of flat magnets stuck together needless to says turning things blue from lack of blood. After studding the problem and EMS not on scene yet a decision to remove the magnets was made. Noting that they were very strong they were pulled apart and the child's manhood removed. The magnets slapped shut sharply. The young man thought the firefighter had cut the "end" off. The mother were called to come home by dispatch and we believe she got the biggest laugh out of it of all. The week before we rescue the same child with two others off a local creek in a rubber boat.Trouble just follows this young man. As a side note this FF works at Westinghouse Savannah River Site and received a community service award for his service at the FD. With all the "Brass" from SRS and DOE I told this story of "The Magnetman". Upon being given his award the CEO of SRS whispered to him that he need not to be concerned this plague contained no magents.

Greg Bailey
Chief Couchton Vol Fire / Rescue

I'm a volunteer EMT/FF for a city of 41,000 people in Wi. We were paged out right after lunch for a possible stroke at the local beauty shop. Myself and my partners walked in and found a little old lady slumped down under the hair dryer barley conscious. We put her on 15L and she started to come around. As she did one of the beauticians told me there was paperwork in her purse from her MD. As I looked at it stated "Do not sit under hair dryer at beauty shop!" I told my partners this and one of them said yeah we were here last week today for her. We all kind of smiled and put her on the cot and took her up to the rig. We loaded her and just as I was asking my trainee if she wanted to do vitals and a secondary assessment we heard a screeeeech and then a crunch, the 3 of us looked out the back window, 2 car MVA T-bone. The one  pt was ok and denied care, the other kept asking what happened, and had spidered the windshield. Myself and the trainee stayed in the rig with our first pt. She said she did not want to go to the hospital. So we then sat her up asked her how she felt and she said ok. I then suggested to my trainee that we stand her up in the rig and see how she does. Well we stood  her up and she said she felt ok. I then canceled our back up crew and told comm center we would be tx the pt of the MVA. I then turned around and look at our first pt and she started to turn green. I asked her if she was all right and she nodded yes. I could see her lunch was going to be coming back up very soon. Well it did and all over the rig, my shirt and all over my  trainee. She still didn't want to go to the hospital. She then ralphed again, but in the bucket this time. As I'm telling my trainee how to advise her that she needs to go, my other 2 partners were ready to load the pt of the MVA. The first pt really didn't want to go so I helped her to her husbands car and had her sign a release as my trainee is frantically cleaning the rig for the other pt. We shipped the first pt to the clinic up the road after signing the release and I hopped back in the rig to start pt care on the MVA pt. The first thing she asks me after being in a semi-serious accident is "How's your day going?" I said "well about as good as yours."


Of course we were in the middle of lunch, and of course we had an untrained rider with us, when we are dispatch to a full arrest at a
local outdoor bar. I was unfamiliar with the bar, so when we rolled up I was suprised to see that it was a biker bar, and they were having a big party! Our supervisor rolled up about the same time we did, and the rider, sup and I carried all of the necessary equipment to the pool behind the bar. We got back there and the in-charge paramedic suddenly stopped, I peek around him, and saw what was so funny. There was a guy wearing jeans and boots who was soaking wet lying on the ground, with a huge grin on his face, and a rather large breasted girl in a string bikini was doing CPR on him, he looked like he was having a good time. So we had her stop and we attempted to assess the patient while she screamed that he was dead,and kept on trying to grab stuff out of our bags and stick it on the patient. Still he had this grin on his face. Suddenly she stands up and yells at us that she is a registered nurse and to stand back and let her do her job. None of us could say anything, we were trying to keep from cracking up.
The whole story was that he had had a seizure in the water while playing volleyball, the "nurse" had pulled him out and started CPR on him while he was breathing and talking to her.


We were called for a woman down. No other info was given to us. On our arrival at the home nobody answered the door. Every door was locked so we asked dispatch to call back and ask them if they could unlock the door. The woman answered and said that she was unable to answer the door, she never gave a reason why but with our experience we thought okay maybe bedbound. She said for us to come to the back window and that would be unlocked and one of us would have to climb in and unlock the door. So my partner boosted me up to the window....which was about 5 feet off the ground. It took everything in me not to laugh. I unlocked the front door for my partner and told him that I was driving to the hospital and this was his call. I went to get the cot and called! for ALS....we were a BLS rig... when I went in my partner was performing CPR and laughing hysterically while doing this. The lady that
called for the ambulance really wasn't in need of us as much as her husband was. They were having sex and her husband was getting out of breath and then just collapsed onto her. He weighed a good 600 pounds at least and she couldn't get out from underneath him. We got the guy back before we got to the hospital he had no idea what had just happened. He was repeatedly asking us why he was in an ambulance the last thing he remembered was having sex with his wife. To this day that has been the funniest call I have been on and I don't think that anything will ever top it. Needless to say, if you have a heavy partner make sure when you are having sex with them let them be on the bottom!!!!


After 3 years of working on an ambulance in upstate NY, I have developed a sick sense of humor. This was one of the funniest and gross ambulance runs I have ever gone on. We were dispatched around 6:00pm to an apartment for an 80y/o female "unknown medical". We showed up and found this poor woman covered from head to toe in her own feces. Apparently, she gave herself an enema right after she woke up in the morning. She then hopped in the shower and while stepping out , she slipped and fell. Unable to lift herself up, her enema soon started to work its magic. I guess her friends were worried because she wasn't answering the phone all day, so they called 911 and we responded. After swimming in massive amounts of poop for the entire day, she was almost unconscious by the time we arrived. The worst part of the story happened while we were attempting to get her into the ambulance without get feces all over our uniforms. The paramedic was leaning over her and began to burp, I asked him if he thought he should step out for some fresh air, but he said he was all right. At that moment, he let out one big burp and dropped a giant wad of spit right between the cheeks of her butt. I immediately ran outside and laughed my ass off, I couldn't believe what I had just seen. During the 15 minute ride to the hospital, we used all the sterile saline, sterile water and hand towels in the rig to clean her up. Here's a picture of me right after I got out of the ambulance at the hospital.

It was the monsoon season in SE Texas. Driving rain for days on end and flooding rampant. My partner and I had come on duty at 7AM, checked out and restocked the truck and decided to go have some breakfast. She was driving and I was half snoozing in the passenger seat. We pulled up to an intersection and she said "oh look - a deer". I forced one eye open as we drove past, a sure enough there was a deer lying in the grass on the other side of a big wide drainage ditch. I remarked "it's hurt or it wouldn't be that close to the road".

As soon as the words came out of my mouth I got one of those cold chills that says "you really screwed up this time Sparky". Sure enough my partner hit the red and blues and did a U in the middle of the road. I'm saying "nonononononooooo" and she's doing the "If you really loved me you'd do this for me" act. Well, of course I ended up wading through chest deep water through the ditch......cold, chest deep water. Sure enough the deer had a broken leg. Back through the cold, chest deep water carrying a deer.

So, into the truck and off we go to the Vet. I wanted to keep this thing quiet, but she decided to run code three so I had to tell dispatch why.

Me: "Dispatch, Unit _____".

Dispatch: "Unit ______".

Me: "En route code three with a deer".

Dispatch: "Unit _______, repeat your traffic".

Me: "Unit _____, en route code three with a deer".

Dispatch: "Unit ______, you're en route with a WHAT?"

Me: "Never mind. I'll telephone you later".

I never did have the heart to tell my partner that the Vet probably really enjoyed the venison we brought him.

On another memorable occasion we were unloading a patient at the ED when we got a call. We were the only ambulance on duty in our small town that day. The fire department was working a structure fire, so we were listening in.

Dispatch: "Unit ____, are you available?"

Me: "10-4". (We hick town ditch docs like that 10 code stuff).

Dispatch: "Fire department needs oxygen at _______."

Now we give our best to everyone, but you know when the call is fire, police or EMS it becomes an "Oh Shit!" immediately. We tossed our patient on a gurney, ran out the door and roared down the highway. 400 watts of sirens screaming, enough red and blues flashing to make a White House Christmas tree, charging against traffic, running cars off the road. We slid to a stop at the fire scene in a cloud of dust where every fireman in the county was gathered around our patient - a fucking kitten. That's right, gentle readers. We endangered life and limb to bring oxygen to a kitten suffering smoke inhalation. I'm proud to relate that because of our timely administration of emergency procedures the kitten lived. The house burned to the ground, but the slightly singed cat is alive and well to this day. I love my job.

We get dispatched to a Resp Diff at a major Airport in my area.  Upon arrival we find a 23 y/o female having an anxiety attack.  She is due to fly home (a 6 hour flight), but it is that time of the month.  To top it off she left her tampon in for 10 hours, changed it but was worried about developing Toxic Shock syndrome on the long filght home.  After much effort me and my partner managed to contain our laughter, calmed the woman down and assured her that it would take much more than 10 hours to develop TSS.  After calming her down and securing an RMA we left laughing the whole way home, saying, "Ya just can't make this shit up".

The Lunatick

Stupid patient tricks!

We get dispatched to an allergic reaction.  Upon arrival we find a woman with hives, itching and minor resp distress.  It seems the patient had shrimp salad last night and had an allergic reaction.  She went to the hospital, got epi and steroids and was discharged.  Then for lunch she decided to finish it.  She didn't want to let good food go to waste.  So after some benedryl and transport we tried to explain to the ED staff why a woman discharged 3 hours earlier was back for the same problem.  I would have put this woman in for a Darwin award but she didn't remove herself from the gene pool

The Lunatick

Early one cold Canadian morning, -25 F we were called to a possible hit and run at the junction of our provincial highway and the Trans Canada Highway. Upon arrival we found a 20 y/o male lying in the middle of the road. He was alert and orientated but refused to talk. Royal Canadian Mounted Police had arrived and we agreed he may be a mute and the police officer gave him a piece a pad upon which the patient wrote I Killed somebody. WoW! Big time excitement. A quick examination seemed to reveal a priaprism - a sign of a broken back. We immobilized this patient on a board and put him on the backboard. Smelling alcohol the police officer and I went to check the local pub, leaving the patient with my wife (partner). Unknow to us he begans to verbalize threats, and comments that nobody should have to put up with. We returned proud of the fact that we were told he wasn't mute. My partne wasn't to pleased. Off to the rural hospital where the patient is taken into x-ray. I was asked to help remove the patient's clothing. As we peeled and cut layer by layer, the stench increased (diaper pail x 5), finally we get down to his short (4 layers of jeans) and we find a roll of paper shaped like a priaprism. meanwhile the local town cop comes by to invite us for coffee after the call, we explained our findings, and he says, "I had somebody like that two years ago. Sure enough, it was the same patient. Turns out he wanders the highways and bi-ways of Canada and when he gets cold - pulls the I have been hit stunt. Two weeks later after psychiatric examination and treatment of extreme diaper rash he was released. Presumably he still is wandering the roads of Canada.

while me and my partner were going on an out of town run, we started hearing some funny noises on top of the cab.....well going down the interstate all of a sudden the noise stopped so we looked behind us and it was our light we had to go back to the station and get another truck.......well at 10:00 @ night we got to our pt.....then we noticed none of the lights in the back of the bus were working.....well we took the pt to the er via flashlight and told the boss ..."we've had it we are going home"......and we left .......without being written up!

We received a res. distress call in a rich neighborhood (outhouses start at $100,000 ) upon arrival we were greeted by a young lady wearing nothing but an upset look and something white and creamy were it should not be. "he's in the bedroom" (no kidding lady). The pt. Was in severe anaphylactic shock , we loaded him w/epi. It seems that he was allergic to the horse radish sauce they were playing with. On the way out the door with the pt. "lady, are you coming to the hospital" her response almost cause us to drop the pt. (that never happens ?!) "No and please don't tell my husband"

First call of the evening is to the local sports complex, routine (non-emerg) for the knee injury. Of course, find a young hockey player lying on the ice, sure enough, his knee is out. Package up the pt. and administer some pain medication. Time to go. My partner at the time was a young, fairly good looking woman. We lift up the clam shell (or scoop) with the pt. on it and sure enough RIPPPPPP......... My poor partners face goes bright red as the seat on her pants tears right open! And of course, being the middle of a large tournament, about 300 people have a first hand view. Cameras start flashing and people start chearing. Later on my parter admits to me that she was wearing a thong!

Graham, Paramedic
British Columbia Ambulance Service
Chilliwack, British Columbia, Canada

This story really happened and I get sick to my stomach all over again when I share it with others, but here goes.....
I was an experienced EMT doing my orientation training with a rural ambulance service when we received a call in a city several miles from our base on a "sick person".

Upon our arrival we discovered a woman perhaps about 60 years old who had a long medical history of various illnesses. She got up out of bed and headed for the toilet, she was not a good walker, but had to go bad, as she hastily made her way to the bathroom, she tripped and hit the floor, she was shaken, but not injured, her sister helped her up and into the bathroom. Well, given the time delay associated with her fall, she didn't quite make it to the toilet when she cut loose all over the bathroom, all over! We were presented with a heavyset woman on a toilet complaining of weakness in a bathroom which was absolutely covered with loose fecal material.

Trying to be professional, my partners and I helped the woman stand and pivot onto a kitchen chair, as we did so, she reached down and pushed off the toilet seat (which was also covered in fecal material). We got her moved to the kitchen chair and carried it out the the livingroom, again, we helped her stand and pivot to the cot, this time, she got scared and lost her balance, she threw her her arms out to help her balance and two of her filthy poopy fingers went right in my mouth of all places. My partners didn't see what had happened and I almost went into cardiac arrest myself. I went outside and spit out as much as I could, but it didn't help, inside the truck I sat back and let my trainer do patient care all the way in. I sat behind the patient green as a sour apple. At the hospital, I explained to my partners that I was not afraid to do patient care, but that I'd been handed a mouth full surprise. The two crew members and the ER doc nearly died laughing when I told them what had happened.

Moral of the story, don't stand around with your mouth open unless you have something important to say! Second, expect the unexpected!

Now you understand why this story still makes me sick to my stomach. Keep this one mind for a good laugh next time you're presented with similar circumstances.

Duane Tinker
Formerly with Allina Medical Transportation
Buffalo, MN

(yeah he wanted to be listed UGH!)

I am not sure if this is should be posted under EMS or Fire.   (me neither but here it is)

Back in the late 80's I was an EMT on Long Island New York. Our Vice-president of our Ambulance Company had a 17 year old son. She drove a really nice car. Well, it was Prom night and her son borrowed the car. The volume on her radio was turned all the way down. Around midnight a few of us were hanging out at the station with the VP waiting for calls. We started to hear heavy breathing coming over the radio. Then a young female voice start screaming "YES! YES! YES!". In between transmissions dispatch was trying to figure out who it was. We were all laughing so hard that the VP almost peed her pants. Until the female voice came over the radio yelling out her son's first name. Needless to say that thanks to a stuck mike he never got to use mom's car again.

Larry Norotsky
ex Navy Corpsman
Corpus Christi, TX

I was sitting at the station one afternoon when we were called to assist the local P.D. on a assualt. I should have known somtething strange was going on when the dispacter was giggling and the other dispacter was laughing in the background. When my partner and i arrived at the scene, we saw a young woman who had several blood soaked rags on her head. The Police Officer on scene tring to sound like a Forensic Scientist said she recieved blunt truama to the head. When we asked the woman what happened she replied "I GOT MY ASS KICKED WITH A SHOE"

Marty a.k.a. Mort a.k.a. Slappy

I went to a fast food joint and got my lunch with another FF (I am going through a ride-along program with a FD FOR EMT-B) when another engine got a call to the grade school that's 3 blocks away from where we picked up lunch  (Another lunch sacrificed to the EMS gods).

We went up to the classroom with the firefighter initially called on  scene. We found a young man, approximately 11-12 y/o who happened to get  his finger "stuck" in a hole in the bottom of his desk.

After the fire captain killed his sawzall on the desk (which was removed from the base), and using a hacksaw blade, vise grips, and tin snips; an opening was finally cut enough to get the finger out.

The boy was extremely calm throughout the whole ordeal.

He went with the Medics to the hospital.

I figure he was doing one of two things: 1. showing his teacher his  opinion at a particular moment (guess which finger) or 2. something I can't really say.

John E. Broyles

Years ago, when I was still a new EMT, my partner and I were sent to transport a psych patient from one hospital to another. It may sound clichéd, but it WAS a full moon out that night.

At the hospital, my partner started getting the patient info and started on his paperwork. We were told that the patient was a priest from the local monastery. He had a history of schizophrenia and had not been taking his meds. He was brought in because he had been making suggestive comments and flashing the nuns. And that's not even the good part of this trip!

I went in to check on the patient. He was very calm, said he knew why he was being transported, and he appreciated how nice everyone was being to him. As we loaded him onto the cot, he started thanking everyone, blessed my partner and me, and even asked St. Christopher to provide us with a safe trip. He counted his rosaries, and was praying and blessing everyone and everything. I was thinking how glad I was that this was my Catholic partner's call and not mine!

Half way to the receiving hospital the patient began screaming and howling! My partner tried to calm him down, asking what was wrong. He kept going on and on, and THEN started babbling incoherently. I asked if they needed any help back there, if everything was all right. Just then, the patient started screaming, "St. Peter, St. Paul, help me! HELP ME DESTROY THE WORLD!!!!"

Needless to say, I couldn't drive any faster to the hospital. Of course, as soon as we got there, the patient was smiling, thanking us for such a pleasant ride, and started giving out blessings and prayers to everyone and everything!

Kelé N. Ivey, EMT-P

I'm a police/fire/rescue/911 dispatcher for a small town in Alabama so I don't know if my story will actually interest you but it is one of the few things that has stopped me cold in almost 5 years of dispatch.

It was a very slow Sunday morning and I was struggling to keep awake, just having come off a swing shift when the 911 phone rang. I picked up the phone and answered "911, where is your emergency?" On the other end this small child said "I need some help." I immediately changed my buiness tone to one that would hopefully work better with a frightened child. "Okay, honey," I said, "what can I help you with? Is there something wrong?" In response, he sighs and says, "I can't do number six." I had no idea what he was talking about and when I asked what he was talking about he said, "My math homework. I can' do number six and my teacher said if I ever had a problem to call 911 and they could help me."

I called his mother later and she was mortified, but I told it wasn't a big deal but from now on whenever he had trouble with his homework to call the business line instead of 911...

Lin Estes
Lincoln Police/Fire/Rescue
Lincoln, Alabama

I thought of your request while attending the Crown Firecoach meeting in San Bernardino Saturday.
 Ca. 1960, an ambulance with 3 corpsmen was returning to the Naval Hospital in San Diego without a patient. (Now this was the standard Cadillac ambulance, very low to the ground and windows all around. One of the corpsmen was driving, a second occupied the attendent's position, and the third plopped down on the gurney. While the ambulance was stopped for a red traffic light, the #2 corpsman observed a private vehicle with a family stop rather closely behind. Just before the signal light turned green, #2 pulls a sheet completely up/over #3 who had been laying on the gurney. The facial expressions of the civilians in the car behind were priceless.


We had just finished breakfast (yeah, imagine that, a call DIDN'T interrupt the meal), and we get toned out for a call. My partner runs out to the ambulance, which made no sense to me, since I had the keys to the rig. I decide to call over the phone to see what the call is. The dispatcher tells me the call is 2 towns over, in an area that we very rarely mutual aid. I ask for directions, since I have no idea where this place is, which the dispatcher kindly provides. I walk out to the rig, and my partner in the drivers seat (I still have the keys). I tell her the location, and she says she don't know where that is. i reply, "Exactly, which is why I'm driving." as we are going into the other town, i tell her to pull out the county map, since I don't know the streets of the other town at all, and figure the map couldn't hurt. Once she finds the street on the map, I hear "Dan, I think we are going in the wrong direction," which i thought was strange, since i was going in the direction the dispatcher told me to go in. So I pull over, to take a look at the map, and see the problem. my partner had the map upside down. Her response? "I never said I could read a map." so, after correctly orienting the map, and my partner, we finally arrive at the location. And, of course, instead of going to the hospital that was in the same town as our patient, the patient wanted to go to another hospital, which required us to backtrack our entire path, through our home town, and 4 towns later, drop her off at the hospital. I think I am going to suggest a map reading course for her next CEU class.


Well one evening it was busy as hell, we had finally got back on station. When our dispatcher came across the radio and advised us to respond on a short fall. While enroute we were trying to find out more info about the patient. Well when we got on scene a first responder approached me and said "you will not believe this", and i said what, this lady was attacked by a cat just a plain old domestic house cat. Well I got to the pt and asked her what had happened and she advise me that she was trying to feed her cat that lives outside in a shed, and the cat then knocked her down and just started beating her up as the pt stated. Well I do have to say that she was pretty beat up and I guess it was a cat fight. Also she advised me to make sure that the damn cat was takin care of. Oh and one last note this lady is like 70yrs old and lives with her sister and her sister is standing outside with her cane and goes to step out the door and just about does a head plant into the ground.

One strange thing; Had a 40ish y/o M brought to the ER code3 for cardiac arrest. Paramedic enroute pushed epi and regained pulses, as he attempted to tube the pt, the pt became alert and awake. This happened twice enroute. By the time they arrived at the ER pt was being paced in order to have any cardiac function. Pt was still awake and alert. 12lead showed a massive MI. After 30 minutes pt had no cardiac function, no pulse no heart tones, nothing, cpr started. Doc calls it, everyone stops. pt keeps breathing. Pt actually improves SaO2. We resume cpr. We worked the pt 15 more minutes. Doc calls it again. No cardiac function in anyway shape or form. But he kept breathing. Doc said it was because he was so young the resp drive was really strong. It was one of the strangest things that I have seen in a long time. That was the best respiratory effort, on a guy that was legally dead, that I have ever seen.

Amanda Emt-B, NT3
Albuquerque, NM

We get dispatched with a BLS for a Cardiac arrest.  The text on the computer said "Blood dripping from walls"  I tell may partner they don't need an ambulance they need an exorcist.  We arrive and find a ~30 year old male in an upstairs apartment that fell in the bathroom.  He must have been there for a few days, cause he had already started decaying and was in a pool of blood.  The neighbors downstairs show us there bathroom, sure enough the blood pool from upstairs traveled under the paint. broke trhough in the outlets and sink and the walls looked like they were bleeding.  When they asked me who they could call for that all I could answer was "Ghostbusters?"

The Lunatick

Well this isn't so much a strange call but our conversation on our way back to our station from New Milford hosp. in western conn. I was working my usual Saturday shift in Pawling NY and my Medic and i just dropped off a diff. breather and on our way back to Pawling we go though the small town of Gaylordsville, and as always we make fun of the town, so my partner starts off by calling the residents 'Gaylord fockers'(windows up of course) from the movie meet the parents
and i continue on that with 'you know they can't get many calls for backing up surrounding companies, their scared they will get ass F***ed' and we continued on back to our station about 1 min later we got behind a slow car and my partner noticed they were elderly men in the car(what a surprise) and said 'what did you old bastereds forget you teeth at home, f***in' move!' and about 30 seconds after that was said Duchess city dispatch came over the air 'Pawling 54-73 check for an open mic.' our mic was open the whole time!! (oops) i laughed so hard i could not drive the rig any father and pulled over. to this day we still joke about and catch crap.

Thanks Tim

I work for a service in New England that does a lot of interfacility transfers, as well as emergency calls. We do transfers from the local hospitals to psychiatric hospitals in the area. We meet many interesting psych. patients (some who seem healthier than Today I will tell you all about the day I met "God". It was the first call of the day for my partner and me. We were sent to do a transfer from the hospital to the local psych. hospital. Our patient was a middle age male, very talkative and "touchy". We brought the stretcher into the "psych hallway" in the er (yes, in this hospital the er has their own psyc. treatment area). "God" had been on a er stretcher down at the other end of the hallway. Upon seeing us come with the stretcher, he proceeds to calmly walk down the hall to meet us. by the time he had gotten down to us we had the stretcher lowered and just about ready for him. All that was left to do was to lower the side rail. We instructed "God" to wait a moment before getting on the stretcher. Apparently, he decided that he did not want to wait, and without warning, leaped into the air, got himself into a sitting position midair, and proceeded to land perfectly on the cot, to the amazement of both myself, my partner, and everyone else standing in the hallway. Before we finished packaging him up, he proclaimed to us the he was, infact, God himself. On the way out to the truck "God" gave us both a blessing. Good way to start the day, what with a blessing from God and all. Throughout the entire ride "Gods" hands were EVERYWHERE. When we dropped him off at the psych. hospital and got him off our cot, he wouldn't let us leave until he gave us both hugs. After leaving the psych. hospital we burst out laughing. How could the rest of our day be too bad, after all, we had been blessed by "God" that morning, AND had the privilege of having "God" ride in OUR 

Myself and another volunteer FF/EMT were doing CPR in the back of an ambulance while the medic did his medic stuff. The other FF/EMT looked up at the medic and said "Hey, we got a pulse here." The medic replied, "Oh shit! What do I do?"

Me and my partner were dispatched to a Cardiac Arrest with a BLS bus as well.  We arrive to find a 91 year old female in arrest.  We work her up give every drug in the bag.  The best we got was PEA.  The was now in a aganol at about 2 a min.  We call the doc back and pronounce her after a total down time of 30 min.  It was 1915.  We extubate her take out the iv clean her up, then explain to the family she is dead.  After the family calms down  they ask us to put her in the bed.  so we put her in a sheet and start to carry her.  We all notice the sheet is twitching , but all figure it is one of us screwing around.  When we put her in the bed her whole left side is twitching.  it is now 1925, 10 min since she was pronounced.  I check and not only does she have a pulse but strong enough to rock her whole body.  So we now reintubate and transport.  Vitals pulse 125 ST, B/P 125/70.  When we get the the hospital our doc looks at us and I just said don't ask.  She managed to live another hour.  IT was the freakiest thing I had ever seen

The Lunatick

We got toned out for a full box alarm, and the first due engine was already on a call. I was riding the medic and we were in our first due. We jump in and haul ass to the place and nothing is showing on arrival so the Officer hops out with his radio and tells us to pull forward and dress out. He goes running in and we get ready. The first engine arrives just as he is walking out and he yells "Don't worry about it, we took care of everything. You all can go inservice" Food on the stove, fire was out. Gotta love ems.

New stuff 8/24/04


We had just finished breakfast (yeah, imagine that, a call DIDN'T interrupt the meal), and we get toned out for a call. My partner runs out to the ambulance, which made no sense to me, since I had the keys to the rig. I decide to call over the phone to see what the call is. The dispatcher tells me the call is 2 towns over, in an area that we very rarely mutual aid. I ask for directions, since I have no idea where this place is, which the dispatcher kindly provides. I walk out to the rig, and my partner in the drivers seat (I still have the keys). I tell her the location, and she says she don't know where that is. i reply, "Exactly, which is why I'm driving." as we are going into the other town, i tell her to pull out the county map, since I don't know the streets of the other town at all, and figure the map couldn't hurt. Once she finds the street on the map, I hear "Dan, I think we are going in the wrong direction," which i thought was strange, since i was going in the direction the dispatcher told me to go in. So I pull over, to take a look at the map, and see the problem. my partner had the map upside down. Her response? "I never said I could read a map." so, after correctly orienting the map, and my partner, we finally arrive at the location. And, of course, instead of going to the hospital that was in the same town as our patient, the patient wanted to go to another hospital, which required us to backtrack our entire path, through our home town, and 4 towns later, drop her off at the hospital. I think I am going to suggest a map reading course for her next CEU class.


A crew was traveling home from a long transport one night around midnight. They met a highway patrolman on the road. He turned around and performed a traffic stop on them. Here is a tired looking crew with it dark in the back and he asked if they were loaded. They said uhhh no, we're on our way home. He said the reason he stopped them was because he thought that they were a moving van and traveling too fast. Moving van? Hello, big with and red with a huge star of life on the side, yeah sure...and who was the tiredest?????????

My friend DD and myself are students at the local university and after many fires and other problems that happen after living in the dorms for many years (stuck elevators, drunks, injuries etc) we decided to meet some of the local EMTs and do a ride along. On the way to the firehouse we have to stop for a firetruck...the lovely team is going on a call without us, so we show up and wait. And wait. Turns out they were the first response team for when my dorm caught on fire last May and remembered both me and my friend! When they finally get back we have time for the intros and being told of the "ride along curse" before going out on a call. Neither of us fortunantly are squemish. So we weren't very shocked when we arrived and found a man who had succeeded at committing suicide. We weren't allowed to see the body, but after 3 days in the summer heat, we could smell him!!! Shortly thereafter we eat dinner (no call amazingly) and get a 2nd call. A 25y/oM who ODed (snowball for narcing) in front of us. Dead body #2. Third call later that night (not even 10pm yet!) is a heart problem but before we can get back to the station a 4th call comes in for ANOTHER DOA. We left after this call and were informed that we were badluck at the station and not to come around too often b/c they didn't want to fill out all the paperwork! We still see our "boys" (even though the team we rode with has a girl too) on campus all the time.

One evening during dinner the tones go off for a Psychological emergency. I was on call so I rushed out of the house to the ambulance bay assembled a rig and responded with the Captain to the scene. Well upon reaching the scene we both observed two officers from the local PD rolling around on the ground laughing hystericaly. We asked them what was going on, and they replied just go inside. The Captain (we'll call him Glen) and I entered the house and found a 44 year old female sitting calmy in the chair. Glen approached the woman who was concious and alert. As he got about half-way accross the room she looks up and calmly says to him "Do you want me to get naked". I couldn't help but to crack a smile at the comment she made. Glen being the professional that he was replied with a simple "No Mam". The Patient then said to Glen "I bet you have a big cock". I couldn't help but to run out of the house laughing almost in tears when she said that. Glen being professional again replied with "No Mam" and turned around and followed me out of the house almost dying with laughter. Thank god at the door we met a rookie (who we will call Billy). Glen told Billy this patient was all his. Well Billy got this big old smile on his face being that this was going to be his first patient. So Glen and I composed ourselves and followed Billy into the room where the Patient was sitting. The second Billy stepped into the room the Patient quite literally yells out "I bet you have some HUGE balls." Really putting emphasis on the balls part. Glen and I had to turn around to try to hide the hide grins we had on our face. Eventually PD composes themselves and we managed to pursade the patient to come with us in the ambulance. Well standard protocol in our corp states that an officer will ride in the back with us on any psych call. So we are transporting to the hospital. Well I guess the patient took a liking to the officer riding the back because she proceeded to grap his thigh and rub his leg while Billy took her vitals. The officer kindly removed her hand from his leg. Well she wasn't going to be satisfied with that. So she reached over and grabs a hold of this poor officers testicles and squeezed before he realized what was going on. Next thing I know I am pulling the rig over with the officer cupping his genitals with one hand and trying to cuff the patient with the other. Finaly he got her cuffed and the rest of the ride was uneventful.

I am a brand new basic, and during my first couple weeks working, i got dispatched for an MVA. It was way out in the county, by time we got there rescue was already on scene and had him packaged up pretty good. they told us he had deep lacs to his head, which were already bandaged. the pt told us he had a fight with his girlfriend and jumped out of her car that was going about 35-40. bp was low so we called for a medic (we were both basics) when we got to the er, there was a lady standing outside the ambulance enterance asking if her husband was ok. the medic just said he'll be fine and tried to get by her without laughing.

My partner and I were working a 24 one shift when we get a call about 0300 to respond with Tukwila PD (no info given on the nature of the call). When George and I pull up, we find our pt handcuffed, sitting on the ground with PD standing close by. About this time, our pt (wearing a housedress with NOTHING on underneath) throws herself on her back and throws her legs in the air. I know it's going to be a good call now. The story we get is that she took "a lot of meds, but we don't know what or how many and can't find any bottles...we think she's got psych issues". We end up dragging this lady into the back of our rig by her handcuffs, secure her to the cot and start transport to the appropriate facility. Enroute, I manage to get spit on and bit at (solved with a NRM), called everything but a white man and even got three marriage proposals. I actually manage to blow all this off. We get to the ER (where our CMD works, I might add) and as we're wheeling her in, I failed to notice my partner remove her NRM. As I'm giving the report to the triage nurse, my beloved pt starts spitting again, so I ask the nurse for a mask or a NRM....I get a blank stare. About this time, a GSW comes rolling in and our pt is forgetten in the mad rush to treat the new one. I notice that the spitting has stopped and that everyone is staring at us in shock, so I turn around and see my partner (3 months out of EMT class) holding a pillow over the pt's face. The best part of night comes when I start giving my report again and the patient informs me that "You're a little young for me, but I'd still f**k you". I about fell over in shock, the nurse is hissing at the pt and my partner has to go around the corner. We get the lady calmed down a little and I try to resume my report when her final comment of the morning is "I'll pay you $5.00 to lick my cl*t." My partner hit the floor laughing, the nurse is trying to keep a straight face and I dropped the clipboard laughing....all of this going on with the County Medical Director standing around the corner observing our "technique".



Last Revised:05/25/05 13:37

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