Strange Calls

Yes this is it. The strange, the bizarre, the funny, and everything else in between.

Warning this page contains things that may shock, horrify or totally disgust you. Viewer discretion is advised!

On to the calls:

Give a dog a Bone!

Many years ago, my partner responded to a residence in Maryland where a lady was in her bedroom. The medics asked if they could come in and she said they had to promise not to laugh. My partner has been in EMS for 20 years and takes his job seriously and told the lady he would not. When he opened the door the lady was on all fours and a German shepherd was behind her. She asked my partner to remove the shepherd because he was stuck. My partner matter of factly replied that dogs have a knot that swells and it would not go down until he was finished. When the dog was done, he released himself from her and all was well. My partner told this story during a training session of new paramedics to let them know they might encounter anything in the streets. One of the young paramedics asked, "will she have puppies??" I thought that was funnier than the call.

Anon on authors request!

The Joy of Drunks!

My strangest call thus far was a single-vehicle MVA at 02:30, in which a lovely 19yo girl plowed through 2 palm trees standing 35ft tall in the median. One minute she was asking me if she could give me a blow-job, the next she needed an exorcism! I had her boarded,collared,taped,strapped, and gagged wit a non-rebreather, and she still managed to punch me in the balls...not once..not twice...THREE times enroute to the hospital! Every time I reached into the compartments above the stretcher to get another 4x4, she'd break the tape and nail me. Once we got her to the ER...she got worse...spitting, cursing...the works! Oh, did I mention the STRONG odor of ETOH on this long-haired demon? I have no idea what she was on besides what smelled like Tequila...but the ER pumped her with enough Versed to drop a horse...and she was still ballistic! I returned to the ER the next shift, and the staff told me that when she woke up, she was the kindest, sweetest patient! !?!?!?!?!?!? and that the offer of a blow-job was still open to me...ON A NOTE SHE LEFT WITH HER PHONE NUMBER ON IT!!!! Me and the daughter of Satan? I think not!

Tony S.

A Closer Look!

In my area we do mutual aid with other towns. The neighboring town's ambulance was in the shop so we were dispatched to transport for an emergency transfer to a local hospital. I was the lead EMT treating the patient. We loaded the patient and en route decided to take a set of vitals so we didn't get in trouble from medical control. My partner is taking a B/P and pulse so I decided to check the patient's pupils. Although it was totally unrelated to the call. I checked the left pupil and it seemed relatively normal. A little sluggish if anything. At this point the patient asks me if I had checked the right pupil yet. I then explained to the patient I was just getting ready to, and then proceeded to check it. When I checked it something was not right with it. I don't know if it was the way that the light hit it but it seemed like it contracted a little, but it still did not seem right. I then asked the patient if he had an eye problem. At this point the patient proceeded to remove his eye and ask me, "I don't know, would you like to take a closer look."

t2h2o@juno.com

You Look Familiar!

A co-worker told me once of one of his strangest calls: they were called in for a gun-shot and when they arrived, the pt. was in pretty bad shape. He ran back to the ambulance to get some more equipment and when returning to the house, the person that was just minutes ago lying on the floor with the gun-shot, was opening him the door. After he got his heart beating again, he noticed that it was the twin-brother of the patient...

Anon on authors request!

This is a copy of an article that was written for the Stony Brook Press:

Snagged in the Act!

By The Lunatick

As a Critical Care EMT and volunteer firefighter, I've always enjoyed the surprises that we often encounter on emergency calls. But even in my wildest dreams (believe me, they're wild!) did I expect to come across this situation:

We were called for an unknown subject with an unknown chief complaint. As we pulled up at the scene, we saw two cops lying on the front lawn laughing their asses off. So, I went up to one of the cops I knew and asked, "Andy, what's wrong?"

He just sat there laughing so hard that he couldn't talk, so he pointed in the general direction of the house. We walked in and found a guy sitting on a couch with his legs spread with a girl's head right in his crotch. It seemed like she was giving him a blow job. But she had braces and managed to snag the skin of his penis so tightly that they couldn't get it out.

We then had to transport this duo to the hospital by placing him supine on the stretcher with his partner curled up at his legs in the fetal position. To prevent further embarrassment, we covered them with a blanket , brought the ambulance to the front door of the house, and quickly hauled them in.

"OK, wise ass, how are you going to call this in to the hospital?". asked a crew member with an evil grin.

I picked up the radio and started, "Mather Memorial, we are enroute with two patients; one male with an entangled object, and one female with a possible obstructed airway."

"What do you mean, possible obstructed airway?!!" ejaculated the E.R. nurse

"Never mind, just have a private room ready when we get there!"



The head nurse was already standing at the door when we arrived.

"So, what have you got?" she asked

"Private room," I whispered

"Naw, I gotta see what you got."

"Trust me, PRIVATE room"

(We had them so well covered with sheets and blankets that you couldn't see anything.)

"Come on, I gotta see!" replied the nurse impatiently

"OK, you win!"

The nurse lifted up the sheets and immediately yanked it down and yelled, "IN THERE!"

So we dropped them off, got our paperwork signed, rushed outside, and started laughing our asses off. Even on our way back, we giggled through each radio transmission until the dispatcher said, "When you guys get back, you're coming in here 'cause I wanna hear this story."

At the base, we rolled around on the floor of the dispatch room laughing so hard that there were tears streaming down our faces.

And people say EMS is boring.

A Sticky Situation

A lady walks into the county sheriffs office and says her fingers were stuck together with fingernail glue she said she could get them apart and that she needed help.With out missing a beat the sheriffs dept tones out the area ems through the 911 frequency when the arrive she said "my fingers are stuck together can you help" the only problem was she had here nails done with nail extensions and the hole nine yards and the only way to remove the glue was with nail polish remover then she started to have a fit about her fifty dollar nails finally the got the apart with out using remover

Anon on authors request!

Choking on your Nose

One evening my EMT instructor got a call to an area of town that is a known hangout of local drug dealers. The call was for an unconscious non-breathing patient. My instructor proceeded to the location of the call with police escort as is the protocol for calls of this nature. Upon arrival he was flagged down by the victims friend. The patient was lying supine on the sidewalk and clearly had been this way for quite a while. Upon verification of LOC my instructor commenced Ventilation with the BVM. However he noticed that the air was not going. Upon retilting the head the same thing occurred. At this point he proceeded to perform an inspection of the airway with his penlight. He noticed a small grayish piece of tissue in the airway, what appeared to be a chicken bone. Upon inquiry it was determined that the patient had not eaten all day, much less any chicken. At this point the doctor came on scene and took of the situation. Days later the doctor told my instructor what had happened. this gentleman had been an avid user of cocaine and had in fact choked on his nasal septum.

Anon on authors request!

The Fun Veggies

Me and My partner were toned out to a 39 year=old male having abdominal pains. Well we arrived on scene, and found this guy laying on a couch. We asked him had he called ems and he said yes. Well, he stated that hasn't been able to use the bathroom in a couple of days. I asked him was this a sudden event and he told me yes. So we took vitals and began to do a quick assessment and once I got down to his abdominal region I notice swelling. I asked the patient was this swelling usual or had he had any past med his. near this region and he said no. I advised my partner that the swelling in the region was enormous. So we called or supervisor and he told us to transport this guy to the near trauma code 3. We we went enroute and I continued the care. I again examined the swelling and noticed that it moved with slight force. To make a long story short, our patient was a usual at the ER. He was finding comfort on the food we all know as squash.

Anon on authors request!

Clean Sweep

When I was a baby EMT I responded with the local volunteer fire dept to a gentleman who was cleaning his tractor-trailer rig after a delivery. He was sweeping out the back of the trailer with a push broom and jumped out of the back when he was finished. I don't know to this day how he managed to do this, but he landed after the broom. On the broom. It impaled him. He was a big guy so the broom didn't stop going in until he hit the ground. The kicker is, the broom started its journey at his scrotum and completed it 27 inches later just under his left clavicle. He was skewered in a slightly bent position. We could palpate what we thought was the end of the broom handle, and we couldn't figure out why he wouldn't straighten out on the scoop stretcher. We took the head of the broom off very carefully (he could feel EVERY vibration) and secured this thing best we could. He was flown out to the closest trauma receiving hospital where they put him under and pulled it out. He only sustained a hole in his diaphragm and a hole in his scrotum. He didn't even lose a testicle! He does have a problem with splinters, though. This happened almost ten years ago, I ran into him 2 or 3 years ago and he still had little orange splinters working their way out.

Rod Brouhard, EMT-P

Why Shorts and EMS don't mix!

About 2 years ago, our volunteer squad was paged out for a single vehicle MVA with 1 patient. I was not able to go because I was working. One of my current crew members responded. For the first time, he responded in a pair of shorts because he was unable to find his jump-suit. They arrived on scene and trauma packaged the lady.  My friend was in the back treating her (her injuries were all minor and superficial). At one point, he stood up and reached to get a 4X4, when the patient started laughing uncontrollably. My friend asked her what was so funny. She stated, "Well, I just saw right up your pants and I HAD to laugh!" Needless to say, that is the last time my friend  has run a call with shorts.

Anon on authors request!

Something Fishy!

I remember my very first EMS call.It was Christmas Eve ,1996.I had just received my EMT and had yet to run a call until then, my third duty night.The call came in as an acute abdomen and I thought I was ready( I never would've been prepared for what we found). Our 30something yr./old pt. had been constipated for days and inserted a 2ft long aquarium tube in his rectum to "unplug" his system. The call in was a piece of art trying to let the E.D. know what was up w/o laughing our butts off. Oh well, they told us in basic school to expect the unexpected, I just never knew how right they were.

Anon on authors request!

Why You Shouldn't Smoke

I run with volunteer rescue squad in Henry Co.,Va. My partner and I was first run crew for that day. It was pretty busy with MVA's and drunk's all night. We received a call for unknown injury. Enroute to the call dispatch advised us that the pt had called back and advised he had burnt him self. Upon our arrival my partner got out to get our jump bag (keep in mind my partner is female EMT) and go check out the pt while I parked the truck.After backing the truck in the driveway I walked up to the house.My partner come running out laughing her ass off and pointing inside the house saying"this one is yours. I entered the house pt stated "man don't laugh I burnt my dick with a cigarette" after laughing for several minutes;I asked the pt, per protocol, what happened. The pt who is a double amputee sat up to change channel on the TV and dropped his cigarette. What the moral of this story? Don't lie in bed naked and smoke at the same time

B.W.WALL
VA EMT-CT


What a Way to Go!

I was a newby on a VFD in a large subdivision that runs EMS. I was not yet an EMT. One day the fire phone rang at our department and I answered it. The lady on the other end calmly said that she had just come home from the store, and she thought her boyfriend was dead. She gave me the address (not far from where I was living with my parents at the time), and I dispatched the ambulance along with the rescue truck. I was driving the rescue truck, less than a minute behind the ambulance. We pulled up in front of a ranch house, with the garage door open. The Paramedic and EMT were walking toward the garage, and directed the other fireman to the front door of the house. I followed the EMT and Paramedic toward the garage. You could see a car on the right, a boat on the left, and as you got
closer, you could see a motorcycle behind the boat.

Now, the fireman that was in the house with the woman, was getting the story from her. She came home and saw him slumped over, and she called us. She went on to say that she had been dating him for over two years, and that they were planning to get married the following spring. She said that he was the nicest guy she had met, and that he was the only guy she had ever dated that had no "hang-ups."

Meanwhile, the rest of us were out in the garage. As we had walked in, you could see the front tire of the motorcycle sticking out from behind the boat. Then as you got closer you could see a guy sitting on it - he was in his forties. Then you noticed that there was paper towel on the gas tank of the bike. Then finally you noticed that he was NUDE!! There was a glass of Pepsi on the work bench, and a burnt out cigarette in his hand. The Pepsi still had sweat on the glass. On exam, he was pulseless and apneic. The paramedic determined that we should call the coroner. By the time the police got there, we had noticed the DILDO in his ASS!! Boy was it hard to keep from laughing while we were around the lady! Of course, we let the coroner deal with the dildo - after all, we were taught to not remove impaled objects!!

A few days later, the officer came to the fire station with pictures - full color! One had a picture of the offending piece of hardware next
to a ruler so we could get an idea of scale. It was approximately 3 inches in diameter, and was 14 INCHES LONG!! There was also a picture of a toolbox that the police found after we left. It contained dildos of various shapes and sizes, including a couple that were anatomically correct.

What a way to go, for a guy with "no hang ups."

Anon on authors request!

Get it right dammit!

They got the call for a gunshot wound - suicide attempt. Once the police cleared the scene, they attended to the patient, who had put the barrel of a 12 gage in his mouth. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't reach the trigger, so he turned his head, and instead of blowing his brains out, he blew his face off. The sounds that he made were described as "blood curdling screams muffled by an airway full of blood." The airway was suctioned, and the patient, who REALLY wanted to die, now, was intubated. He had not been restrained, and he pulled out his ET tube. Once again, bad luck for him - the balloon was still inflated, and his larynx was on the end of it!! Needless to say, he didn't scream any more, and I'm sure that he will read my book -"Suicide: Get it Right the First Time" before his next attempt!

Anon on authors request!

Hang On!


In my EMT class, we were ready to complete our required hours riding on the ambulance when our instructor gave us this advice:

"When I say hop on and hang on, I mean get into the ambulance, put your
seatbelt on, and hang on!"

Confused, he went into clarifying (and extremely hilarious) detail It seems he had told this to a student some years ago, and on their first run out, they headed signal 10 (light, siren) to the call. Heading down a road, another ambulance caught sight of them and called out "Medic Two, Medic One, you have a student on the the back of your ambulance." "Copy Medic One, we are aware." Came Two's reply. "Medic Two, We mean you have a student HANGING off the back of your ambulance!" It seems that the student took our instructor literally and climbed on the back of the ambulance. The student probably rode more than a mile before they noticed the problem. As a final note, look at the back of your truck and wonder, How the hell did they stay on?

Sean Harper

Twinkie Lady!

A number of years ago, I was ems supervisor for a BLS squad that ran with a paramedic unit from the local hospital. I was eating lunch with one of my crews, and a page went out for "Sta. XX Ambulance & Medic YY:
respiratory distress...123 XYZ Ct., cross-street ABC Ave...Medical Box 5504...time out...1254". I laughed at my crew as they left, and continued to eat my Whopper. As the crew and medic unit arrived on scene, I heard a fast exchange on our TAC freq., and then my ambulance came up on primary to request a second ambulance and the duty supervisor. I arrived on scene to find our crews and medics standing over a VERY LARGE female patient lying on the floor. The patient was in obvious distress, rales, pale skin, tachycardia, etc. Her wheel chair was custom-built out of square, steel tubing, with a seat almost as wide as a LOVESEAT! We attempted to move her, but were unable. I called dispatch to send an engine company for manpower to assist with lifting.
The engine crew arrived, giving us 4 more bodies (now up to 11 people!). We again attempted to move the patient. Again, we could not move her! I then AGAIN called for additional responders. Our rescue company responded with 4 more personnel (15 people now on scene!). We then were able to log-roll the patient and place 2 10x10 salvage covers, doubled over, under her to serve as a drag sheet. Luckily her house was
an old Victorian with double front doors. Her porch had a missing section of railing and we backed the ambulance up to the gap, leaving about a 4 inch drop to the floor of the truck ( 1 ton 4WD GMC Type I
Modular). We removed the stretcher and floor bracket to give us an unrestricted place to put the patient. We then DRAGGED the patient, on the salvage covers, across the floor, through the doors, across the porch and into the ambulance...taking all 15 people to do the job (needless to say, we had drawn a HUGE crowd of spectators and police by now!). When the patient was fully in the back of the unit, she ALMOST FILLED THE FLOOR! The truck took an immediate list to port and almost came down onto the rear tires ( remember: 1 ton 4x4 GMX Type I!). As we rolled to the hospital, the truck scraped tires every time we hit a bump, we rolled at 10 to 15 MPH the whole way. At the ER, it took TWO hospital stretcher, tied together with rope to hold her, and that was almost not enough! As we did our paperwork, the nurses assessed the patient. She kept saying: "I'm hungry, could I have something to eat?". (!!!!) The nurse would tell her that the doctor needed to see her first. This same exchange repeated itself EXACTLY over and over again for about 15 minutes. The nurse, finally tired of the banter, told the patient: "alright, already... you can have something! (#@&$%*! under her breath) The patient said: "thank you, sweetie", and proceeded to lift want could have been a roll of fat, or a breast (I couldn't tell!), and pulled out a squashed, flattened 2-pack of Twinkies, which she promptly inhaled with gusto!!! Myself, my crews, the Paramedics, and the fire captains about had strokes on the spot!

Needless to say, I haven't had a Twinkie in what is now 10 years!

By the way, the hospital had to use their loading dock freight scale to weigh the patient. It has numbers up to 750 lbs., and she wrapped it around to the 40 lbs. mark again!!! (OOOHHH... may aching' back!)

Anon on authors request!

My Britches are burning!

Just another day at the shop...
One warm summer night one of our finer citizens was cruising up the local Highway at a high rate of speed, passing the local resident deputy at 65+ m.p.h. with his flashers on. The Deputy Sheriff quickly stopped the person and as the vehicle came to a stop, the driver quickly jumped out of his Bronco screaming that something was attacking him and grabbing his testicles and jumping around like a Banshee. Well, the Deputy quickly got on the radio and requested, of course, the local Fire Department and and Ambulance. We got
dispatched to "Groin Pain, Sheriff on scene". When we got on scene, the Deputy had the patient in his lights, still jumping around. It turns out, the driver of the vehicle had recently started taking a combination of medications that didn't agree with him too much and made him hallucinate. He told us"bugs" were boring into and out of his skin around his groin. So he stopped at a Kmart and bought some moth balls. Yep, you guessed it. To kill the "bugs" he put the moth balls directly into his underwear and after the 40 minute drive home, his privates became rather uncomfortable("they're on fire") so he was speeding home. Of course we had no option but to strip and flip him there on the highway to irrigate this "small" problem of his. Needless to say, it was hard to keep a straight face while treating him.

Anon on authors request!


The many uses of cooking utensils


late last year (sometime between turkey day and Christmas)at around 0100 hrs, my vfd, along with our mutual aid dept's were toned out for a possible structure fire, reported fire in a wall, at an address which I can't give
out, at that hour being rudely awakened by my minitor I was a little slow to recognize the address as being the address of my uncle, who happens to be a life member of the fire dept, so when I realized that was where the
call was at I immediately went into warp drive #9, upon entering the station our other lieutenant asked me if I was familiar with the address, of course in the frantic condition my mind was in I replied in an un-repeatable phrase that I did in fact know exactly where the call was (it's my uncle's f***ing house), he drove to the scene knowing that if I drove it would be an interesting ride out the windy back road to the scene, upon arrival at the scene we were met at the door by my uncle, who was even more upset than I was (I can't figure out why, can you?!?), Jim (uncle) told us he had a fire in the wall by his woodburner, there was a small amount of smoke coming out of the house, so we pulled a line and axe in hand I proceeded into the home, the fire was smoldering in the insulation behind the 1/2 in thick wood paneling, so it was my turn to play, once the line was charged, I squared off on the wall, and paused for a second, Jim said"go ahead do what you have to do" that was the weirdest feeling I ever had! the fire was promptly extinguished and during the overhaul and investigation we were informed that Jim, having experience as a firefighter, although no longer active knew that he needed to suppress the fire some, and not let air into the wall, this was accomplished by filling a TURKEY BASTER and inserting it into the crack in the wall, NOW THAT'S A P.W. EXTINGUISHER!!!!!!!!!!!, this has since been a standing joke in our department, and among our family, this year for Christmas I got a nice new turkey baster for him, I painted it red and lettered it with " FIRE EXTINGUISHER" IN BIG YELLOW LETTERS! I also made up an instruction card which read-
FIRE EXTINGUISHER DIRECTIONS FOR USE-
1.) FILL EXTINGUISHER WITH WATER
2.) INSERT TIP INTO CRACK IN WALL
3.) SQUEEZE BULB
4.) REPEAT UNTIL FIRE IS SUPPRESSED OR FIRE DEPARTMENT ARRIVES
I guess that goes to say- you might be a redneck firefighter if you have ever put out a fire with a cooking utensil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you and others can find the humor that we all have in this little story, and feel free to use this in any future updates for your pages, thank you for your time.
Aaron D. Natali

What a way to go 2!

I'm just a rookie, volunteer, still in training. I'm not even from this country. Maybe you all know this one, but when I heard it in my station, I just thought it was really funny. When called for an unknown rescue in a town house, the EMTs probably didn't have a clue about what they were about to see. They were called by a neighbor who knew the patient was in the house, but thought there was something wrong. Indeed, the whole family was gone on vacation, except for the guy who was sitting on the couch, naked, with his sex in his hand, staring at the TV which seemed turned of. He was obviously dead when they arrived, and they discovered a porn movie in the VCR. The guy probably had a heart attack, while pleasuring himself in front of the TV...What a discovery, and what a weird way to die!


Anon

Got A good buzz?

While working in the local E.R. one evening, a man came walking in slightly bent over and was walking with extreme difficulty. As this man got nearer to me I quickly went to him and asked him if he needed a wheel chair. The man took his hand and motioned for me to stay away and said "no, I can't sit down". As this man passed me, I could hear a buzzing noise coming from him. When he entered the patient room, he began to explain that he had a vibrator stuck in his "ass" and that he couldn't get is turned off. It seems that with his every attempt to turn the vibrator off pushed the implement further into his rectum.  Attempts by the physician were unsuccessful and the vibrator had to be removed by surgery.

Anon on authors request!

Swallow it down!

Responding to a call that a male party was feeling ill found a male who was complaining of severe nausea and stomach pain. Upon removing him and transporting to the local E.R. the patient vomited several times.  The patient's "male companion" also came to the hospital. The "male companion" had an extreme odor of human feces emanating from his breath, his teeth were brown and there was a brown ring around his lips as if he
were wearing poor lipstick. Back to the patient. The patient continued to vomit and since we were unable to obtain a very good history of the evenings events the doctor gave it a try. The doctor picked up the basin and looked at the vomit.  It was a creamy white color. As the doc inspected it he also smelled it. The doc then asked the patient "is this what I think it is, is this semen?" The patient replied "bingo!" The doc then asked the patient how he had swallowed so much semen. The patient then responded that he was the doorman at a party that night and that everyone who came to the party had to get past him. The doc asked him how many people were at the party. The patient then said "28 until I started getting sick".  The patient had oral sex with at least 28 men and swallowed all of their semen. Sick.


anonymous

Shocking????

Man, have I got a call for you! It was storming pretty bad one night, and we get a call for a female patient who had been struck by lightning through her phone. We thought we had a good call. We should have known better! First off, she called 911 with the phone that the lightning had supposedly come through. Tuff phone! We explained that the phone probably wouldn't work if lightning had passed through it, and that if she had been struck by lightning, she would have some type of exit wound, probably on her feet, and that they would be black, burnt, holes in her feet. She took her shoes off and made us look for them. Despite all our efforts, she insisted on going to the hospital, because she was afraid the electrical current would make her heart stop when she went to sleep.

Feel free to use my name if you would like to.
Dave, EMT Sunstar

Caught with his finger in.......A piggy Bank???

I had a call about three weeks ago that was dispatched as an entrapment. Later we found out that a child had got his finger stuck in one of those piggy banks that work like a toilet and he couldn't get his hand out. We
simply took the bank apart.

Timothy Duffy

Hey Supervisor did you bring the Drinks?

We work for a medium sized EMS service in South Carolina. Lately, we've had trouble finding Paramedics to hire locally. So...we put an ad in a national EMS mag and got a bunch of applications from all over the US. Ended up hiring several excellent medics...most from "up north." After orientation, the new guys were assigned to trucks and turned loose on the unsuspecting public.The city truck got a call for a pediatric with a laceration. The crew got to the scene and packaged the little guy and headed to the ER. Enroute, the driver, who is a Basic EMT, asked our soon-to-be broke-in medic if he wanted a code 5 (our radio code for backup.) He said "yes," and soon the cavalry was on the way. Our new guy was peacefully sitting there when the shift supervisor burst into the back of the truck with a firm "What's the matter?" Yankee Boy's mouth flew open and he stammered, "nothing." A throughly astonished medic finished the ride in . When the patient had been handed off to the ER staff, the Southern Basic explained to our hero exactly what he had just done. Poor guy said, "I thought you were asking if I wanted a cup of coffee!" Needless to say, we have a new code: Code 5 = COFFEE.

Joseph Clem

One For the road


I work for an ambulance service in a town of about 12,000 people in Kansas. Late one night while on nights at our base the phone rang with a call from our local PD. The had a male on the line who was patched through to us. The first words we heard were "You've got to help us!  My wife's got a shot glass stuck in her pussy!!" We immediately assumed the guys at the police department were pulling a fast one, but the guy one the line was extremely upset and sounded extremely intoxicated. My partner rolled out of bed and we went en route to the scene. The first thing I see when we pull up is the officer standing by his patrol car laughing his ass off! He can't even stand up straight! He tells us this is a real call, so my lovely partner slaps me on the shoulder and declares its my call. Great. We go into the house an find a woman rolling around on the living room floor crying and clutching her pelvic area. Her husband is shouting at us to help her! We inquire as to what happened and find out an interesting story. Apparently celebrating their anniversary the couple drank quite a bit of beer and became romantic on the floor. They attempted something new when the husband
began feeling the alcohol and couldn't perform to his wife's satisfaction. They placed a shot glass on the end of his penis and used it as an extender of sorts. Apparently it slipped off and when they tried to remove it, it turned sideways and became lodged. We were then
told it was a DOUBLE shot glass!!! We placed the patient on a spine board as we couldn't bend her and transported to our ER. The ER staff attempted to dislodge it but couldn't. The patient was admitted for surgery the next day. To this day I can hear the sound of the forceps
clinking on the glass as the RN tried to remove the glass!!! I guess that's what you call "one for the road!"

Caught in the act

I had a call to a auto accident one evening. When I got there as paramedic I thought the EMT's had done a very good job of getting the clothes off the patient to do an assessment. But the EMT seemed very confused. The patient was very critical and the EMT's were doing CPR. Some of the EMT's were laughing and I did not like it. When at the hospital I asked the EMT's 'What is so funny about a guy need of CPR. One told me to go and look under the sheet. I knew he was only wearing his underwear and he was also a preacher and I did not was people seeing what ever it was that was so funny. After we got in the ER and the smirking was still going on I just had to look. But first I had to ask a few more questions. "How did you all act so fast. I was just behind you, and you already had his clothes off when I arrived only seconds after you." The answer was "It was simple, he didn't have any clothes on except his underwear when he had the accident." I asked well how did this accident happen anyway." The answer, "It appears he was being chased and lost control." So now I just had to look. Under his underwear he had condom on and under the condom he had a piece of soldering wire, the big stuff, twisted around and around his penis. Must have been caught in the act.

We are responding to WHAT!

Approx. 0300 one morning, my partner and I were sent out on a "sick person with unknown symptoms". While enroute, I asked our dispatcher for more Pt. info. There was a very long pause. Our dispatcher finally contacted us on a back channel, and informed us we were responding to a 32y/o male c/o a bent penis. My partner looked at me and laughed. "Your Pt." he said. We arrive to find this guy standing on the side of the road waving his Medicaid form like he was hailing a taxi. We loaded him in the back of the ambulance, and he began to tell me why he called us. He said that his penis was bent because he masturbted too much when he was younger, and he was getting married and wanted someone to fix it. When I called in my assesment to our medical control, they asked me if I had splinted it. I replied "NOT ON YOUR LIFE!!!!!". Turns out that he was a frequent mental Pt. at the Hospital. About a week later we made a "lost condom" call to his fiancee's house. Hmmmmmmmmmm

 

Will the Dead please rise?

While doing a transfer of a patient in need of an emergent Cardiac cath, the patient coded.  So my partner grabed the paddles to the zoll Charged them up and shocked the patient who lurched up in typical hollywood fashion and went back into NSR.  Upon arriving at the hospital and transferring the patient we realized that we had already hooked the patient up to the hands free pads and didn't need to use the paddles.  Sounds normal right, well when you hook up the hands free pads with the Zoll 1400 you disconnect the paddles.  We found the plug to the paddles shoved in the side compartment as we always do, and we have yet to figure out how we "willed" the Defib to work

The Lunatick (I gotta have some stories on my own page)

The Magic Furnace

The strangest run I have had was on Thanksgiving Night last year when we were toned to a lakeside cottage for possibe alcohol poisoning... We arrived to find a man sitting on the couch crying saying that his wife left him, she is a slut, etc.... There were 3 Deputy Sheriffs, a park ranger, 6 EMT's and a driver in the house, along with the patient and his two brothers..We were all quiet waiting on him to make a decison whether or not to go to the hospital, you could here a pin drop....Then he blurted out...."Everytime the furnace kicks on I can see my wife F*@#ing another man" Our driver suddenly let out a little giggle and the room exploded....Until this day our crew wonders where he got this Pornographic Furnace....We were planning on returning for a CO2 Checkout..

Jeremy

You're Doing it WRONG!

My partner and I were called to the residence of a male who had put his arm through a plate glass window severing the brachial artery. The patient had lost a lot of blood and his feet were so stained it looked as if he had been stomping grapes to make wine. A neighbor of the patient had come over and applied a tourniquet to the arm prior to our arrival on scene. The patient's blood pressure was extremely low (below 70 systolic). We were just a BLS unit
so we decided to use the MAST. While placing the MAST pants on the patient, the neighbor looked up at us in total disgust and said, "It's his arm, not his legs." We had a hard time trying to keep from laughing.

Brian K. - CEMS

Glad I'm not him

This happened while responding to an one vehicle MVA. The vehicle contained one male and one female occupant. The car had run off the road and run into a tree with the female being ejected. Both patients were unconscious and naked from the waist down and the man still having a condom on. We ran both patients Code 3 to the hospital. The man woke up enroute and confirmed the fact that they had been having sex while he was driving and that he lost control during orgasm. After we had dropped off the patients, I was meet by a woman standing outside of the man's room asking if he was going to be alright. I stated that he his in good hands and asked her relation to him. She replied, "I'm his wife."

Sucide Broom

This happened to my friend's Brother-in-law about 4 years ago, who is a paramedic for a private ambo company in Milwaukee. They responded to a attempted sucide call, the pt was described as a 47 y/o male intoxicated, with trauma to the lower back, and was impaled with a large wooden object. upon arriving on scene they were directed to the rear of the duplex were the pt was found laying next to a patio deck. apparently the pt taken off his pants and
inserted a broom stick into his rectum and proceeed to jump from the flower pedistal and forced the broomstick upward where it exited through the small of the back. needless to say he won't try that method again.

Here Doggie gimmie that head!

You know it's a good one when the suicide call's house has a NRA sticker on it
The pt (or dead person's) wife and daughter had gone to the store.
The pt thought he's be considerate and leave the mess where it's easy to clean up. So he went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet, and blew his head off. Problem is, behind the toilet was a window leading into the back yard. The force blew the man's head into the back yard where the large family dog was chained. The dog grabbed the man's head, was running with it, and wouldn't give it back. Just as the cop was going to shoot the dog, my father, an animal lover, ran into the house, finds a box of dog biscuits, goes back into the yard, and successfully makes the trade.

It's Electric

I was responding to a call with a local vol. fire dept. It was dispatched as a routine service assignment. When we got there we were greeted by an older lady which was complaining of electricity running through her floor. I though that she had a short in a wire or somewhere. But when I entered the residence I found nothing abnormal at all. The woman then proceeded inside to tell me that someone had broken in under her house the night before and had put some kind of electric device to her floor. I asked her if she had called the police and she told me she hadn,t, she had just left the guy under there. I proceeded to ask her if the man was still under there and she replied that some of his friends had come to let him out and she
wanted me to take a look under the house. I didn't know if there had actually been someone under there or if she was just crazy so I radioed for police assistance. With the poluice on the way the woman was still complaining of electric current running through the yard. Then I knew she was not all there. The police arrived a few minutes later and looked under the house to find nothing but some spider webs. The police officer then reffered her to a shrink.

If I was that big....

I was working for a small town service in north Alabama. We had two nursing homes in our responce area. One of our regular patients was a resident at one of the homes. We frequently transported him for, shall we say, self mutilation. He was a chronic masturbator. We would usually transport him for sores on his hands and penis. He suffered from Alzheimers, Parkinsons, and OBS (Organic Brain Syndrome), so his orientation was minimal. One day A friend of mine responded to a call at this nursing home for a hemorrage. Upon arriving to the scene, my friend found the afore mentioned patient with blood in his mouth. The patient also had blood in his lap. My friend, being a complete professional, began his assessment. He found no source of blood in the patients mouth (Airway). The patient was having no difficulty breathing. The humor comes from the circulatory exam. It turns out
that the patient was failry well indowed, if you know what I mean. Well this patient was sittins in bed preforming oral sex on himself when he fell off of the bed and almost bit his penis off. He was about a mm short of completely severing his penis. It was all we could do to keep
a straight face when he made his report to the local hospital. I have since moved away from this service, but everytime I go back to visit, this call always seems to come up. NO PUN INTENDED


C.A.M. NREMT-P

I need to step out for a min..

As a Paramedic on the unit with a Basic as a partner we were dispatced to a possible cardiac arrest...upon arrivial we confirmed a full arrest and began working the pt. we had first responders show up to assist us...we were in a backup unit that shift and we had no radio in the back of the unit. we loaded the pt. and started enroute to the closest hosp. which happened to be out of our county.... a first responder was driving us and another first responder was in the back with us doing compressions. The driver told us that he was unable to make contact with dispatch on the radio that he couldnt get it to work. I told the driver to stop and my partner would get out and see if she could fix the problem, then looked at
the responder in the back with us and told him that if she couldnt reach dispatched he could try on his radio cuz it was a stronger radio than ours... while getting a EJ line the responder stopped compressions and went to the well door of the unit... we were still moving approx. 30 mph when he opened the door (against wind resistence) and proceeded to walk on out of
the unit.... we heard him saying "ohhhh " initially then "shittttt" at the back doors! totally in disbelief and waiting to feel a thump under the wheels we finally came to a stop.... i jumped out of the unit and ran to find him approx. 20 yards on the ground. I asked him r u ok???? he stated yes that we had to find his radio...I told him screw his radio, r u ok??? he again stated yes....we need to get back to the pt. again I stated screw the pt. he's dead r u ok??? we went back to the unit and he began compressions as if nothing had happened.... after the call was finished he approched me and stated that his elbow and ankle were hurting. We had to transport him to our hosp. he was out of work for 6 weeks...I informed him that he couldn't ride with me again unless he was restained..

A Fluid Bolus

I had a rather odd call right after I started working for a new ambulance service in southwestern Idaho. It involved everyone's favorite type of patient--a pregnant female--and lousy weather. My paramedic partner and I were called on a typical "dark and stormy night" to rendezvous with a BLS ambulance from a small community that was transporting a young lady in premature labor. The roads were ice covered and the wind was blowing harder than a politician at election time. We met the other crew and got in their rig after asking one of their EMTs to drive our ambulance back for us. While my partner evaluated the patient I got an IV started and put her on the cardiac monitor. In my own defense, it was very late and I had been awakened from a sound sleep so any comments I made were not my fault! After evaluating our patient, my partner suggested that we give her a fluid bolus in an attempt to slow down the contractions. At this point, I totally flushed my brain and [I thought] muttered under my breath, "A fluid bolus?? That's what got her in this condition!" To my total amazement, my partner, the patient and another EMT all heard the comment and just stared at me.   I'm still not sure if it was the fluid bolus or my comment that did the trick but her contractions stopped and she carried the baby to term!

Submitted by---Mark Johnson, EMT-I

My Vote for Moron of the Month:

A couple of years ago, when I was working towards my Intermediate, I was
pulling some ride time with Lenoir County EMS in Kinston, NC.

Around 02:00 we got a "sick call". (Oh, joy. Don't you just love those?)

We were called to a residence where this guy was home alone and was talking
way out of his head. His vitals were fairly stable, but it was obvious he was
high on something.

A little Narcan did the trick and we were finally able to find out what
happened.

He said he had joined Alcoholics Anonymous and wanted to get sober. He had
been dry for 24 hours.

He was so proud of himself, he thought he'd celebrate and treat himself to a
little cocaine!

Heather Driver
EMT-I

why can't we just all get along

According to the sherrif who investigated this call. A man and his wife were having a verbal dispute when the fight turned violent. Her father had given her a gun to protect herself from him because of his violent past and the times he had beat her up. During the dispute the woman got out her gun. He promptly took it away from her and told her to shoot him eith it if she was so unhappy with him. He gave her the gun back and she shot him. Shot him right between the eyes. The bullet didnot penetrate his skull though. He ran out of the house to call an ambulance at a pay phone down the street. The line to the dispatcher was busy. Apparently His loving wife was already on the phone with EMS calling the sherrif and an ambulance. She disconnected and went after him to catch him so he could get help. While running she fell into a ditch and discharged the .22 that she had shot him with into her own
leg. Hearing the gunshot he came back to investigate and then promptly loaded her into his pickup to head for the hospital. On the way he was speeding and crashed into the sherrif that was responding to the call. The ambulance was re directed to the location of the MVC and transported the patients to the local ED. In the end the man was not hurt other than the
headache and a small entrance wound i his forehead. The woman went to surgery to have the bullet removed from her leg. In the end neither pressed charges on eachother and are still together to this day.

Here Kitty kitty kitty......

One day last week my partner and I were doing the typical raisin run, taking an elderly lady back home. I was driving and my partner was attending. I went to prop this woman's storm door open to her porch, but the bar wasn't there. I came back to the truck and told my partner
I couldn't find it. My partner went to the house and returned approx. 10 minutes later and said she found the bar in a window. The patient asked us to please hurry because she did not want her cat to get loose. My partner and I struggled to get this woman up the porch steps and into the house. Once we got her into the house, the pt. called for her cat.   THe cat never appeared. She called again, still no cat. So, I, being the sensitive and sincere EMT that I am, started looking for the cat. I didn't have to go far, because I saw this grey ball of fur laying under a dining room chair in the next room. We called the cat's name, and no answer. I figured it was asleep, as cats are prone to do (I have two siamese myself) and I just went about my merry way fixing up the cot.  My partner walked over to the cat and touched it. It let out a moan which we both first mistook for a growl. I chuckled and and said something to the effect of "...that cat just doesn't like you..." I then walked over and petted it. It was stiff!!! Then my partner and I realized that this cat was about to expire on us. My partner and I explained to this poor woman that her cat was about to receive transfer to the Eternal Care Unit and called the pt's niece who was supposed to be taking care of it. The niece explained to us that the cat was in renal failure and the vet wanted to put it down the night before but they wanted the pt. to spend time with it before it died. The niece then came over to the house. While waiting for the niece, poor little furball bit the dust. My partner was quite emotional during this and I
was able to hold my composure until the pt looked at me with tearful eyes and asked me if the poor thing was still breathing. I felt the cat's neck and chest for about 20 seconds and could only shake my head no, as I couldn't bring myself to verbally say no. Welcome home Auntie, we killed poor fluffy while you were away!!! It was quite emotional on the scene, but once we were away from the house and on our next call, we began to laugh hysterically about the whole thing, making jokes such as "gee, that cat is kind of overdoing the play-dead thing" and "That cat sure knows how to play scharades", and "really reallistic-looking sculpture"...

AGAIN!

my partner and i were dispatched to a single vehicle mva at 0130 on a sat night, to a very bad corner going up a hill. dispatch told us that the vehicle struck a tree. my partner and i both knew that this could be bad, do to this corner being surrounded by woods and a river. upon arrival we found a brand new 96 corvette inpailed into a tree. my partner and i found a male driver and female passenger, both aao x 3. he had a good size bump on his head and other
minor injuries. she had a broken arm and some tenderness in the rib area. as we were extracating these people with fires help my partner looked up at me and smiled with a big grin. they then took her into the rig. then as fire pulled the stering wheel off of the drivers lap i noticed that his pants were half way down. this kind of explained what may have caused the
accident. we loaded both pts into the same rig, others were busy, i noticed why my partner smiled so. she had a long black trench coat on, that was coverning a white sexy teddy. now we know what caused the accident. upon arrival to the hospital and doing our paper work the police officer filling the report told us that the car wasnt the drivers, but his friends. then as we
were finishing up the we went into her room and she asked if we have called her husband yet. then as we were about to leave his wife came in. my partner and i just shook our heads and laughed.
from prmdc, ill

Hard Water

This one got me a write up, so i hope everyone enjoys it. I am a volunteer with a EMS service. One day, the Director{AKA puppetmaster} was heard to remark about the bad atitudes from some of the members, so, we better cool it with the smart ass comments.
Well, I have a rather strange sense of humor. One day a woman called the base, and i had the misfortune to answer the phone. It seemed that her daughter was with child{knocked up} . She swears she didnt have sex. the mother calls up the EMS , relates this to me, and states she read somewhere that sperm can live in pool water{all ready i didnt like where this was
going}. she was wondering if we could go down to the pool to run tests on the pool water to check the sperm content.  needless to say, i was dumbfounded. I was at a loss for words, something that hasnt occured for sometime.  I dont know what happened next, but i uttered the words"well for that to happen, it would be really hard water" She called the mayor, the mayor called the director, the director called me. It was not very pretty.
I drew a week off, A written warning, and the threat of dismissal.
I dont answer the phone anymore
Ken

Lost a tire

I'm a volunteer for the Malaysian Red Crescent and was on duty during a  long local festival, we  were suppost to on-standby at a near by FD and happened to be the first  team ready for the current  shift so we took the first call. I was a 20yo indian male, drug adict,  we packed him and run him in   then went back to the FD. Later, we were dispatched to a shopping mall  and found a malay, male  29yo -SOB. We packed him and run him in. For both this cases we were
running at a speed of at  least 120km/ph . On our way back from the hospital, we were traveling  about 60km/ph and our left  rear tyre came out, i could see tru the side mirror, it went on bouncing  into the bush. I managed to control the vehical and park it in the emergency lane. I called in and  said "Alfa 11 - Control we just   lost a tyre". When we finally got back that day after about two hours ,   we were given the "JOKE OF  THE YEAR AWARD" but i guess we we lucky the tyre didn't jump out while  we we running with  either one of the two patients.


Silas Savarimuthu
Malaysian Red Crescent Society
Klang Chapter.

CPR?

Where I work it is protocol that when called out for an Unconscious, or the like, that 2 ambulances roll. One day we had just started lunch (typical Murphy's Law) when our pagers sounded off for an "Unresponsive" person. Well, protocol kicked in and not only did 2 ambulances respond in, but so did our Chief. Upon arrival we found a very upset, scared woman shakily telling us that she had tried to wake up the person in the bedroom without much success. We grabbed all the necessary equipment (AED, Oxygen, and Jump kit) and ran to where the woman lead us. Our Chief, being a Paramedic, decided to enter the room first. He first attempted to get a response by making our presence know by loudly calling towards the bedroom as we drew closer. Once we were near the door (the door was closed) He attempted one more time to make our presence know. Not getting any reply, he then slowly opened the door to a darkened room. he flicked on the light and called out again as he noticed a form in the bed. When this attempt failed he then pulled down the covers. He stood near the doorway, turned to the woman and said "I think its beyond our help," and with a smile proceeded to leave the room. We all stood dumbfounded as did the woman. When we peered into the room we realized why our services were not needed. Can a group of pillows under covers be brought back to life? What's worse is that this woman had walked into the wrong house.

Choo Choo

At one time there was a female EMT-B that worked in my service. On one fateful day her and her partner recieved a call for a woman having SOB.  This particular pt. was a "frequent flier" with us and was never in serious distress but did have a chronic history of COPD. The pt. was loaded into the ambulance and transport was in progress. About 2 blocks south of the pt's house there was a set of railroad tracks, instead of taking the shorter route to the hospital (north), she opted to take the southern route. About half a block from the tracks she began hearing train horns blowing. The pt. began getting worried because the horns were getting closer and closer. The ambulance was struck on the passenger side of the cab and proceeded to do two 360's. When questioned by the police about the accident the female medic stated that she thought trains only came from the right on Mon.,Wed., and Fri., and from the left on Tue., Thur., and Sat. This happened on Thur. so of course she was looking left to see where the train was.  Needless to say she is no longer working with us and luckly no one was hurt in the accident.
Cory Kruse

I don't know

Recently I was dispatched for a seizure call. Well when my partner arrived to the department store at 3am, we found the security guard was the patient. Another guard met us at the door. As we approached the patient the other guard told he he had "what looked to be a seizure." That guard soon disappeared. As I approached the patient, I asked him what was going on he replied "I don't know." I then asked him if he ever has had a seizure before and he replied "I don't know." I proceeded to ask him a serious of questions regarding his medical history. After he answered all of them with the response "I don't know" I knew I had to go for an easy
one. I asked what his name was. The patient looked around for a while and replied "I don't know." We took him to a local hospital and when we arrived in the ED, the nurse started asking him what had happened and he answered "I don't know." The nurse looked at me and my partner and with that I looked and said "This is only the beginning!" She asked what I
meant and I said "I don't know!" Well the patient still doesn't know!

Slang

I work for a hospital in the northern part of the United States and one day we had a code on one of the wings and I told the Admissions Personnel that I would be down bagging this patient for Cardiopulmonary well she thought I was literaly bagging this patient like for the
Coroner so she stopped all charges in the system and listed patient as being deceased. What a way with words that can really get you into trouble.

That sucks

We were dispatched to a call that was in reference to a scorpion bite. Upon our arrival we found a 7 y/o boy lying butt naked on the couch. We also noted that he had a large red circle on his butt. I've seen a scorpion bite before and I did remember it looking that red so I asked the mother why it looked like that. The mother stated that she was sucking the poison out and made a huge hickey on her son's butt. It was so hard to refrain myself from laughing.

Not my problem

I'm a student in an EMT-B course with aspirations of enrolling in Intermediate/Paramedic school this fall. During my "required runs" with the local ambulance service, I had a "Twilight Zone" moment: We responded to a call for a GSW at a local supermarket. The scene was
secured by police and we entered to find a would-be robber prone in about 1500ml of blood. Seems the store owner shot from the office and managed to hit the robber in the neck just right to clip both jugular and carotid vessels. Anyway, agonal respirations were observed, so we started CPR. Suction was needed and I ran back to the truck to get the portable unit. When I re-entered, I observed the scene: To the far left was the office from which the manager fired the shot. To the right of the office was the first checkout lane, clear. To the right of the first

checkout was the aisle in which the patient was down, and to the right
of this was checkout #3, where a large, middle-aged woman was calmly
having her groceries tallied up . . .

My Buddies

This is a Toronto Special. We are an out of town ambulance in between transfers, in Toronto. We get a call to go downtown, on Yonge St., for a collapse. Upon our arrival, there a 7 rubbies. I gingerly ask, "so who is the collapse?". Believe it or not, 6 of the guys awake from their drunken stupor, and they all point to the one guy who isn't saying anything. Turned out to be a hypoglycemic episode, and this guy always bottomed out with his buddies, who could recite his whole medical history for every paramedic crew.

Dinner and a call

As an EMT in NJ you are a BLS provider. NJ has a 2 tier system with the ALS truck coming from a hospital based system. Well a the town I work for has a neighboring town whose ambulance squad gets approximately 1500 calls a year. They answer 600. So needless to say mutual aide is their friend. Well one day while working I heard the ALS and BLS get dispatched for a 19 year old female having an asthma attack. Well, knowing the time
of day I knew the town wasn't going to answer up for it. Well about 35 minutes passed and sure enough we went. Well when my partner and I arrived we found the ALS truck on location. We went in, now this is 40 minutes after the first 9-1-1 call. we went in to find one Paramedic reading the newspaper and the other in the kitchen eating a Sandwich. It turns out the girl did not want to go to the hospital, so she was treated on scene. The medics just finished the treatment when we arrived and she signed our refusals and we all had dinner at the patients house.

Give a dog a bone

When I was a kid and my Dad was a family doctor, a man in our home town decided to commit suicide with a 12 ga. shotgun under the chin. Raw deal, but he only managed to blow the major portion of his face and jaw off. My Dad, on duty at the ER that night, directed the EMS crew to return to the man's home and retreive any pieces of his jaw and face they could find for reconstructive efforts. They returned to the ER and reported that the family dog had consumed almost everything and was in fact found knawing on the largest portion of the jaw when they arrived!

Rookey tales

I'm very new to this whole ems thing. I got involved through a boy scout explorer post over a year ago, and am now totally hooked. Even after my first time as an observer...My advisor, whom is lovingly called daddy by all of his post decided to take me on all day at his medic
station. We got one call and during that one call I found out that allthose "laws of ems" were more then accurate. We had been sitting all day long, and nothing had happened besides napping. Around noon we went to lunch. As soon as I had bit into my salad the tones dropped for all the bls around. We hurriedly finished, just in time to get into the rig,before they called in more bls. I promptly found out 10 seconds later I needed to desperately pee. Still not our call, but we thought we might stop by to see if help was needed. We were waiting at the light when the radio decided for us. Thus came the scariest experience of my life. Sirens blaring, grasping to anything I could, we drove ambulance style in our suburban medic vehicle , up the wrong side of the road, just dodging idiots who decided that they should freeze, or better yet, pull out in front of us. The crew I was on almost needed to start pump and blow on me! We sped up to the site, 2 car pileup. I literally fell out of the medic rig, and grasped my stomach with one hand, the heart monitor daddy had just handed me with the other. This was turning into quite the stressful day, and I hadn't seen anything yet! We ended up taking a middle aged lady to the hospital via ambulance. Possible crushed knee, and hypertension she didn't take meds for. We were called in for suspected heart problems, because someone had palpated her chest, and she said ouch. Think dashboard! anyway..throughout the whole thing, backboard, 02 and all, her biggest concern was her purse, and her car.This being my first trip in one, I was unaware of the "3 points of contact" rule, and promptly fell into the steps to the side door, the first time we hit a curve. Finally at the hospital, me breathing heavily,and puffing my inhaler, looking longingly at the all ready in
use oxygen, I hopped out of the rig, heart monitor in hand, dodging the blood spilt when they tried to Iv her over a bump. I was told later I was as pale as a sheet, and I believe it. And the weird thing is, that was 2 months ago, and I still have a burning desire to be in this business.

I'm Chris Freeman 17 yr old responder :) (tell em if you care to )

My Story repeated
He my name is Andrew, and i'm a fire explorer for a F.D. in FL. I was riding on the Engine and we got a medical emergency call, and I thought it was going to be a routine call until the Dispatcher came over the radio and gave us our Pre Arrival notes. She said it was a 17 YOM Consious and breathing nothing further.... So we continued to the scene and we knocked on the door and a Young Tenn came to the door naked with a cover over him... We asked what was wrong and he asked us tom come in the house it took a couple mintues but you will soon understand... We entered and then he took of the blanket and we were suprised to see his girl friend which I knew her(WHOA). She had been giving him Oral Sex and his foreskin got stuck on one of her braces and it was cut and bleeding and STILL stuck... They were both buck naked and we ended up sending them to the hospital after we numbed it with hurricane spray(Local Anti.). I spoke to the girl the next day and she told me not to tell anyone but I had to tell you... He now has a small scar on his Penis for the surgery and still can reproduce...... So it is good for him??? But that will teach people not to give or receive oral sex with braces!!!!

Know any good prayers

This is a very, true story.
I was an emt in NY state, and one evening, we got called out to an "unknown medical"
it happened to be at a poorly kept up hotel, which had been converted into low income
appartments.  As luck would have it, myself and my partner (a priest, who was also an
emt) responded. Upon entering, we were staring down the end of a barrel of a shotgun. I looked at my partner and whispered "know any good prayers?" at that time, the man with the shotgun got down on his knees, put the gun down and started saying the lords prayer. Come to find out he had a long history of severe psychiatric problems, and the call was actually a
domestic. We were able to retrieve the gun and the man went to the hospital with us without incident. Needless to say Prayer definatly helped get us out of that one.

Thanks
Dave Cochrane EMT-D ertech@ptd.net
would like to hear from other emt/paramedics


DOH!!!

Me and My partner respond to an Overdose/attempted suicide.   She left an note cursing out the world and about how much she loathes life. While I start and IV and draw bloods my partner starts mixing the charcoal and explains to the patient that she has to drink this to absorb the meds.  Well she starts chugging this down, and my partner goes 'WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, slow down you don't have to kill yourself" 

NUFF said
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