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How many times have you been in your truck on just on a scene and heard the most ridiculous thing and wish you had it on tape. well here is a place to post it at least. BTW: names and units have sometimes been changed to protect the stupid (unless it was me).
Take me to the new stuff
On the radio:
50B: we have a 16 car MVA we are going to need additional
Dispatch: what is your location?
Unknown unit: (chorus from a song playing on the radio) In a world of human wreckage, where Im lost and Im found and I cant touch the ground.
Dispatch: No unauthorized transmissions, unauthorized
transmissions impede the safe and effective workings of the system and endanger the
public, StationXXXXXX time dispatcher XXXX out
Unknown unit: 10-5(repeat) the last
2nd Unknown unit: 10-5
3rd Unknown unit:10-5
4th Unknown unit: whatd ya say
54X: We cant respond, we are flagged for kids in the
pond at __________!
Dispatch: yeah thats the call I just gave you
54X: Oh well then were here.
Few min later
54X: 54X confirmed 5 kids fell through the ice in the middle of the pond, we are gonna need Ice rescue or something.
Unknown unit: Ya THINK SO?
54X: We just got another patient at this incident so we will
be extended on scene.
Supervisor: Central, How many patients total now at 54Xs job?
Dispatch: they had 3 and just added another one.
Supervisor: so how many total
Dispatch: stand by, 54X what is your total patient count?
54X: last time I checked 3+1 was 4
Off air to other Tech at scene: I can see why he was promoted.
Dispatcher: Respond to ________ for an adult male maternity.
Supervisor: What's everyone's status? (After a second call)
Unit 1: I'm clear
Unit 2: I'm clear too
Supervisor: We're all clear!
Unit 1: PUSH TO SHOCK! PUSH TO SHOCK!
Unit1: There is no one answering can you try the callback
Dispatch: are you at the apartment door or the building door
Unit1: the apartment door.
Dispatch: Standby.. oh wait the text says she can't come to the door, I'll have to send you resources for entry.
Unit1: That's great, now you notice, what do we do in the mean time?
Unknown Unit: Huff and Puff and blow the door down!!!
Dispatch - Unit 82, respond to area of XXXXXXX for the small aircraft or spaceship in distress.
Unit 82 - Spaceship? Uh.... OK. Responding. (ten minutes later)
Unit 82 - We're cleared from the scene, it was just a traffic helicopter. (five minutes later)
Dispatch - Unit 82, did you ever get a last name on that patient?
Unit 82 - You mean the helicopter?
Dispatch - Affirmative, you RMA'd, didn't you?
Unit 82 - The helicopter?
Dispatch - Oh, it didn't crash?
Dispatch: 54V Respond to x near the XXXX supermarket
Patient: You boys are so nice, you are the
nicest crew I have ever had. Is it because you work for the catholic charities?
My partner: Actually we're both *JEWISH*
Dispatch: EMS 125, respond for an assault, outside the Have A Nice Day Cafe
49D: Conditions 49 (the supervisor) Just got hit by a car we need another
Dispatch: Is the supervisor all right?
49D: 10-5 (repeat)
Dispatch: do you need another bus for the supervisor?
49D: Oh yeah I guess so. (can you feel the love)?
Station 19 Ambulance. Cardiac Arrest
(Second Tap) Station 19 Ambulance. Cardiac Arrest
Station 19 response check
Station 10 cover station 19. Cardiac Arrest
(Second Tap) Station 19 Ambulance cover station 10. Cardiac Arrest
Station 10 response check
Station 4 Cover station 10 and 19. DOA.
54V: Central put us down mechanical at XXX and XXX, the bus won't go
Central: 10-4 54Y and 47A respond to 54V job.
1 min later: 54V: Central be advised the Pt came to us, we are
treating at location of breakdown.
Central: 47A and 54Y new location is XXX and XXX in 54V
47A: 10-4 We are pulling up behind 54V now.
54V: cancel 54Y we will transport in 47A
After call: 54V: 54V comming out of hosp ## being escorted back to our
broken down junkheap via 47A
Central: 10-5 (repeate)
54V: comming out of hosp## hitching a ride back to our broken bus via 47A
Central: (laughing) 10-4
Dispatcher: Unit 69 Unit: 69 Dispatcher: Unit 69 report to 123rd and Elm Code 4 (transfer) Unit: 10-60 (more info) Dispatcher: 123rd and Elm, There is a schizophrenic man at the pay phone of Quicktrip, who ran out of his meds and dose not have enuff money to pay for a cab so he called us and wants a ride to the hospital so he can pick them up. Unit: (EMT Laughting in background) Paramedic: 10-4 in route (mic still keyed) Oh-Goodie our first call of the evening.
Mather hosp we are enroute to your facility with 2 patients, the first complaining
of resp distress, and psychiatric emergency, the 2nd c/o psychiatric emergency, our ETA...
Not soon enough.. er 5 min.
On Medical Control:
ALS Provider: The patient Awoke Unresponsive.
ALS Provider:Can I give an ventolin updraft?
ALS Provider:Can I give thiamin IM
ALS Provider: I don't know but you can give it IM right?
MC(for an RMA): Who called you?
ALS Provider:What should I do with this patient?
MC(on a RMA):Do you think this patient should be seen.
ALS Provider: The patient is unconscious
MC: Does he have a pulse?
MC: Are you doing CPR?
ALS Provider:No should I
EMT (to ALS Provider): he said to give an epipeane and atroephine.
Unknown: We don't deserve to be called heros; but then we don't deserve to be vomited on either.
54V: This is a Family dispute, send PD we are
Central: There is no patient?
54V: Negative central at least not yet.
Central: right I'll put a rush on PD
EMT1 - Pt is an 85 y/o M c/o chest pain, SOB, radiating pain to L arm 30 min before EMS contacted
Nurse - Why does he have a Foley's catheter in?
EMT2 - He doesn't like to piss.... what does that have to do with the MI?
@ the Carney in Boston
Triage Nurse - Do you have an IV started?
EMT-Basic 1 - No, we're basics we don't know how.
Nurse - Oh I understand if you don't have the equipment on the truck.
EMT-B2 - No, we're basics, we're not allowed to start IVs equipment or not.
Nurse - Whatever, here.... go ahead and start one.
(She paid attention, didn't she)
En route to an MVA:
Unit 72 "71, 72 your back doors are open."
Unit 71 "10-4 we're almost on scene."
Unit 72 "71, you're spilling some green things onto the roadway"
Unit 71 "10-4, you wanna grab those for us?"
71 was the command rig...couldn't ya tell?
52A: Central Send us medics for an AMS
Central: Aren't you down the block from ######## Hospital
Central: So take the Pt to the hospital
Few min later 52A: 52A are we gonna get medics?
Central: PUSH THE COT ACROSS THE STREET TO THE HOSPITAL
52A: Uhhhhhhh, OK
Dispatcher: [unit] xxx.
Unit: [unit] xxx.
Dispatcher: [respond over to] xxxxx and xxxxxxx for... um the mother states... it's a 6 month old female with a thermomitor stuck somewhere.
Unit: Uheew! 63.
Dispatcher: [unit] 7xx.
Unit: 7xx go [ahead].
Dispatcher: Respond over to xxxx xxxxx street for the swollen penis.
Unit 7xx: (keys the mic but is laughing so hard he can't talk. His partner, not realising the mic was on, said:) what the fuck?
(Of course my idiotic partner had to put in her twe cents and said "no cussing on the radio." But I was just gonna die laughing!)
Last Revised:05/25/05 13:36
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